Glorybringer AU ☆the fault in our stars☆

[34] Childhood Lovers

☆Glory☆

"I have endured what no one on earth has ever done before-- 

I put my lips the hands of the man who killed my son."

-The Iliad

Even when I was younger, I knew my father wasn't the kind to crash into a tree. Especially with a friend's car. Because we were too poor to have a car on our own, he often borrowed a car from one of his friends. He was always careful in those cars, driving as slowest as he can. That's one of the things I remember about him. So, in the back of my mind, I considered murder a possibility. There was a fire. What if he was poisoned? Or if something caused him to do it?

Or maybe, he had killed himself. Because he was miserable with his life with me.

The only good thing about his death was that I would never know if it was indeed a suicide. Because then, I would have to blame myself for the pain I went through. And as much as I told myself that couldn't be the case, the thought always bothered me in the back of my mind.

And then, Deathbringer told me what happened.

It's been a week since Deathbringer talked to me. A week, and so much things happened. The doctors realized that there was no treatment existing for me. Anaconda visited again, and we talked longer. Even grandmother sat next to us, although she didn't say a word to Anaconda. My friends visited. I realized that I wanted to kill Deathbringer.

"When you told me about what you did, I couldn't sleep." I say those words as fast as I can the moment he opens the door. I'm almost afraid he won't let me in. "I thought about it over and over again. About what I should do. But Deathbringer, I realized that I'm dying. You know? In a way, I can do anything I want." I take a deep breath, staring at him in the eye. "So, I came here to kill you."

Deathbringer stares at me for a moment, then gives me a bittersweet smile. "Okay. Come in."

I flinch. "Don't say that word." Then I realize, that okay was never our always. Because now, there can't be an always. Because we both crushed it into pieces.

Deathbringer nods, his smile thinning into a straight line. He closes the door behind him, and I walk in naturally. I hate my body for being immediately relaxed, because I've been to this place more than a hundred times. I realize that this is the boy that killed my father, and I force myself to look back. Just in case he stabs me. 

When I look back, Deathbringer is just turning from the door. He realizes why I'm staring at him, and looks genuinely hurt. "I'll go first, if you're worried."

"I'm not wo--" Then I stop. Because I have no reason to say otherwise. "I am. Because you're a murderer." 

I had a plan of sitting down and calmly talking to him. And killing him somehow. 

Slap.

Deathbringer stare at the ground, and I can't even see a red mark. My hand stings. It makes me furious, how I want to hurt him and end up hurting myself instead. He doesn't meet my eyes. He doesn't seem afraid. He only tries to reach out his hand, and when I immediately draw back, he lets them fall to his sides. "Glory, please stop. You're going to get bruises on your hand." 

"Go fuck yourself."

He just stands there without moving. He almost seems lifeless, his eyes fixated in the floor. "Glory, if you want me dead, I can do it myself. I'll do it tonight. Just-- don't be here. Ok-- alright? Please."

I flinch, and I stare at him. I know I told him I wanted to kill him. And I do. I want to destroy this boy in front of me. But the fact that he's so willing, that he would do it himself-- it's too much to bear. "No."