Glorybringer AU ☆the fault in our stars☆

[31] Mother

☆Glory☆

Ah, the familiar sight of the hospital room. The smell of people holding onto their last breath.  The white walls and the curtains that try to hide me from them. Blocking everything else around me until I am the only one existing. Breathing.

Inside those curtains, I am lying with my ex-best friend. There's only the two of us. Trying to live the best we can. Trying to get rid of the other, but we are both so stubborn that it's slowly killing us.

The last time I was here, I knew one thing. The next time I came into this room, I would have no hope left.

I am at the final stage of cancer.

Will I die? Really? How? In my sleep or in the middle of the afternoon? Maybe I will die today. I lie there, staring at the white ceiling, imagining how my breath would slow down. How my heart would stop. What would happen next.

When I turn my eyes to the other side, a woman is sitting on the chair awkwardly, shifting as if she knows she doesn't belong. Her brown hair-- it must be a wig, but it looks so real-- is shining as it meets the light of the hospital room. I startle, and she flinches when I open my eyes to look at her.

Anaconda.

Anaconda clears her throat. "I'm not here to do anything." She blinks, as if she's a little sheepish. "Um. Jambu and I heard about you, and he wanted to come and visit. He went outside to get a drink for us."

"Oh." I suddenly remember how angry I am at her. My voice suddenly becomes colder. "Where is grandmother?"

"I told her she should get some sleep." That's some good news. I'm not sure if she had any sleep after I passed out. The last time I saw her, her eyes were bloodshot and red. Anaconda stares at me, as if I'm a whole new creature. There's something in her eyes-- regret? Sadness? Pain? Pity? I genuinely hope that it's none of them. "The plan to Europe. I canceled it after I heard you were...that you passed out."

I sigh. "What do you want?"

"Excuse me?"

"It's not like we're suddenly mother and daughter, right? We're past that. Do you want something from me?" She seems genuinely startled, like she still thought I would run smiling to her if she made the first move. The truth is, I'm too tired for that now. I've tried everything.

"I just..." She trails off, like she doesn't know herself. A moment of silence. "I don't really know, actually. I guess I just wanted to see you." Now? What about 16 years before?

I gulp the things I want to say to her face. I don't know what to say to her, so I just sigh and close my eyes again. Hoping that Jambu would come sooner. All I can hear is the hushed, unfathomable talking sounds from the rooms next to us. 

Time with my mother. I would have killed for it a few years ago. I wreck my head for things we can talk about. Well. All the questions I imagine asking her trace back to the ultimate one. "Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?" She must have thought I was sleeping. She sounds surprised.

"I don't know. Becoming a superstar." Pause. I hesitate, but I conclude that I have nothing to lose. Dying has very little positive aspects to it, I realize. "Meeting my dad. Having me. Anything."

"I don't regret any of those things." The answer itself pains me. It's not what I expected. Is she lying? "I made a choice, and I'm happy about them. I was born to act, and a lot of people feel happy seeing me on TV. That makes me content. I have to admit, I have an obsession at getting attention." She giggles like a little girl. To make sure she continues, I also crack a smile.