Glorybringer AU ☆the fault in our stars☆

[28] I Slit Their Throats

☆Deathbringer☆

When I go home, Glory's car is parked at the side of the house. I try to get in as quickly as possible, but she gets out immediately, telling her driver to go back.

Well, I'm dead.

"Hello?" Her hair is up into a ponytail. She is thinner, dark circles under her eyes. That's not good news. My anxiety turns into worry, and I open the door for her without a question. She comes in.

"You got thinner. Are you okay?"

Glory doesn't look at me and sits at the couch, her lips firmly pressed together.

"No."

Me, neither.

Glory's holding on to the door to support herself, looking at me with a look of betrayal. I really don't know what to say to her. What to do. It's just too confusing and too bundled that in the end I'm just standing there, hating myself.

Glory's eyes are gazing at the stairs below. "If you're going to walk the other way when I'm around, I want to cancel all the words I said to you. I don't like you anymore. Laugh it off as a joke, do whatever you want."

So much pain in her voice. And why? Because I can't figure out things on my own. In my efforts to help her I seem to be slowly killing her.

"I don't want us to be in this-- uncomfortable situation." Then she looks at me, staring into my eyes like she's daring me to say something. "Or am I one of the girls you throw away after you get a confession from them?"

God. No. I wish I could, but no. Never you. 

You're hurting other people by just standing there doing nothing because you're actually afraid to do something. You're hurting Glory, her dead father, and so many more people. What are you actually planning to do? Keep rejecting Glory, but keep being selfish enough to stay at her side, and act like an innocent person you're not?

Damn Greatness and her honesty. I know I shouldn't keep doing this, that I should send Glory home. Tell her I don't want to be friends again. Or just straight up confess. But I'm too scared to do either. 

I throw my backpack to the floor, looking away. Silence. I don't know what to say.

"You're a jerk," Glory spits out when I don't say anything. "Don't-- don't treat people like they're something you can play with. What am I to you? Just another one of your trophies you wanted to show off to others?"

I can't stare at her, so I stare at her hands instead. They are clenching into a fist. "Why do you do it, anyway? You know it when people like you, and yet you play with their feelings and once they give you what you want you just throw them away. I should have realized it, I should have told you when we were in middle school. I hate it when you do it."

DO SOMETHING! I'm shouting to myself. Stop hurting her. 

Stop thinking about everything and just do something, like Greatness said.

Glory is breathing heavily. Then her voice softens, and it's worse, the exhausted, vulnerable voice. "Say something. Please."

I should tell her to go home, that I don't want to do anything with her.

It would make her cry for a few days. Maybe a few months. But she'll heal. She even has her drama friends now. She can date Starflight, if she really likes him. She'll forget me and I'll move away to somewhere, a place where I can't hurt her.

I should let her go.

"It happened before-- before I met you." 

Then I suddenly realize I want to keep holding on. It's like logic is fighting what I really want to do. And if the fighting will keep on hurting her, why shouldn't I just accept everything?