Caution: Mentions suicidal, depressing thoughts, fights and harsh words
☆Glory☆
"What is the life of a human being—a drop of dew, a flash of lightning?
This is so sad, so sad."
-Ryonosuke Akutagawa, The Life of a Stupid Man
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Why?
What would urge a man to kill another man and inject cancer cells into his daughter? A man not over forty. A child not older than seven.
Why?
How could he live on after doing these kinds of things? How could he not get crushed under the heaviness of his conscience? How could he brag about it? How could he not be punished, but admired, respected, praised?
I shudder, lying on my bed after sending Peril and Greatness away, demanding to be alone. I stare at the darkness, at my white ceiling. The cells, the cells that are killing my cells, the cells that are spreading over my body like black paint, infecting me, turning me into a dark, dark thing— they are not my own.
I suddenly feel an urge to pinch every one of them out, out of my body, to even stab myself to achieve it. I feel disgusted at them, at the cells that have become mine, the cells that have become my cells, and it slowly grows into a hatred of myself. I actually think of reaching for something, a glass shard, a knife, anything— but my body is too heavy.
If only I had not existed.
If only I was not born.
For the second time in my life, I really wish for death. I call on it in the darkness, demand for it to take me, beg. Tears fall from my eyes, sliding down both cheeks, but I really am not feeling anything. Just emptiness. Just the wish for death, silent and calm. Realizing that there are some things that I can't bring myself to face.
I had dreamed of it a million times, the day I knew why my father died. Every night, even, on this very bed, staring at the same ceiling. And if it was caused by a human, how I would get revenge. How I would make sure the person that did it would suffer as much pain as I did. To tear that person to shreds.
No, Glory, I say to the girl lying on the bed, me of the past. You really don't want to know. You are better off not knowing. You are happier.You don't want to die. Not really. Not like this.
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The next morning, I am facing the truth before I know what I am doing. I demand a drive to my mother's house, determined. Grandmother seems to think that I miss Anaconda, that I want to say good bye to her for the last time. Perhaps that's why she lets me go, although it must be obvious to her what a horrible state I am in. I can barely walk without help. But I must go. I am almost surprised at myself, that I had this much strength. But it is my duty. I have to tell them, to get Jambu and Anaconda away from that monster. I have to punish him, somehow. I have to get him arrested. Is that possible? I don't know. But I have to do something.
"Maybe you can call her here, and the three of us will have a nice talk," Grandmother offers, but I shake my head. Even if Anaconda and I talk alone, there's a chance that Grandmother, or anyone, will overhear us. What if she doesn't come? Refuses to see me?
"I'll contact her and let her know that you are coming," Grandmother says, a little hesitant, softly holding my hand for a second before she lets go. "She'll be glad to hear from you, Glory, I know it." She offers me a watery smile.
"Thank you." A million thank-you's wouldn't be enough.
I get on the car and drown in my thoughts, not hearing the casual words the driver offers to me. What if I meet that man, instead of Jambu or Anaconda? I'm afraid that I'll kill him. Or worse, that I would shake in fear. Frozen. Unable to do anything.
YOU ARE READING
Glorybringer AU ☆the fault in our stars☆
Fanfiction"Maybe 'okay' will be our always." ~ She, Glory Bright, has cancer. Depression, abandonment, and sadness embraces her as she sees her life will not go as long as many others. But as she continues to live, she learns that life isn't measured in time...
