Glorybringer AU ☆the fault in our stars☆

[32] Underwater Silence

☆Glory☆

Hospital room. The more I spend my time there, the more I feel I'm separated from the world. I can hear Grandmother talking to the doctors outside, just as she did yesterday and the day before. Their faint voices reach me like a buzz.

I look around the room, groaning and feeling the space around me with my fingers. I open the curtain slightly. A calender is hung up on the wall, and, despite myself, I think of Anaconda again. Perhaps mothers are people that we can never erase from our lives. Even if they're not very good at their role.

Suddenly, a date comes into my mind. It's the second audition for Gone with the Wind. I wanted to try out as Scarlett, to stand up on stage. Maybe a part of me wanted to show Anaconda how similar we were. But no, everything is ruined once again by cancer, my once best friend, the one that must kill me in order to stay alive. I suddenly feel very dizzy.

I wonder what Deathbringer's thinking right now. If he would come to visit me again. It reminds me of the time I waited for Anaconda, and I realize that I'm the one always waiting, the one marking on calendars, the one missing people because I can't take a step out of this damn hospital.

I search the room for my phone as quietly as possible. I find it on the lamp table and unconsciously dial Deathbringer's number. I'm about to click the call button when I remember the conversation I had with Deathbringer. That seems like a long time ago.

"I slit their throats."

Murderer.

Suddenly, a chill runs down my spine, and I throw my phone to the bed. I told him that I would have done the same in his position. But would I have, really? But what can I tell him? He matters more to me than those people that he killed.

Saying that, it sounds so simple. But to realize that your childhood crush has ever killed a person, reminding yourself time to time as you go through the day, is a very strange feeling. I don't know if I have to feel sad or scared.

I'm still sweating, and when the sound of the door opening reaches me with the slightly cold air, I shiver. Somebody is coming in.

"Can I see her?" I feel a jolt. Deathbringer. The murderer, the boy who rejected me, the love of my life. His voice is rough and he's speaking very fast. I can hear Grandmother's low reply.

"She's sleeping, Deathbringer. You know what state she's in. Come again next time."

"Is she okay?" I don't know if I should speak up, but my mouth seems frozen. "Is she...worse?"

His worried voice erases a part of my fear, and I realize that there's nothing in the world that I want more right now than to see him. "You can come in. I'm okay."

Grandmother runs into the room first, her eyes bloodshot. I feel a twinge of guilt. I'm the one dying, and yet Grandmother is the most miserable. "I'm feeling good, really." It's true. Today seems to be one of the good days.

"You know we have treatment today, Glory. Deathbringer can come later." Grandmother's voice is begging, but I know that I have to speak to Deathbringer. I lightly shake my head.

"It won't be long." Deathbringer is hesitating, as if deep in thought. I'm curious, and I muster the courage to finally look at him again. His face is thinner, he keeps running his hands through his hair as if he's very nervous. Grandmother also notices this, and looks worried. "Please."

"I'll be alright," I assure Grandmother. Grandmother nods slightly and reluctantly leaves the room, turning back to the doctors. Deathbringer doesn't meet my eyes and plumps down on the chair beside my bed.