BTS Angsts

Butterflies/Taehyung

Kim Taehyung, my first love ever since freshman year of high school. He was my desk partner during Biology class and I was extremely shy, especially with boys, but he would always want to talk to me, whether it was about the homework we were assigned or when he asked me questions to get to know me. After the many group projects we were assigned, we ultimately became friends. 

I'll never forget the one time he came over to my house for one of our projects and told me, "I hope this friendship can last forever."

It was so abrupt and I was startled. I remembered my cheeks flushing red and all I could do in return was nod my head in response. Throughout my life, I never had a boy look at me twice and even willing to keep a friendship with me. My parents always tried to force me to hang out with kids from my school that I didn't even know because they thought I was too lonely. Socializing was hard for me until I met Taehyung. I became so much more confident and in junior year, I made the first move.

We both just got our driver's license and he decided to drive me to the movies with a few of his other friends. The movie was quite packed so we had to sit in pairs so of course, Taehyung wanted to sit next to me. He chose two seats in the back and I could hardly focus on the movie. I would glance at him every so often and he noticed. He grabbed my hand that was laying on the armrest as he thought I was scared. I don't know what I was thinking but all the adrenaline caused me to act before I had time to process what was going on. I grabbed his face and gave him a small peck on his lips. I could hear all of his friends gasp and cheer us on. 

When we left the movies and Tae drove me home, he kissed me right as I was about to open the door of the car. 

He said, "Y/n, I want you to know that I have fallen in love with you ever since we started becoming friends so maybe," he rubbed the back of his neck, "you would want to be my girlfriend?"

My cheeks flushed and my face felt like it was on fire. The only response I had was a nod and he then wrapped me in the biggest hug. I felt like I was on cloud 9 and thought I had possibly just met my soulmate. 

But as we both got older and graduation came around, we tried getting into the same college but it didn't work out. I dreamt of becoming a lawyer because my mother was one of the best in town and expected me to become one as well. Taehyung dreamt of becoming a singer and he would have to leave the country for his dream school. I subconsciously knew most high school sweethearts don't last but we both weren't ready to say goodbye. 

One afternoon he met me at a park as we needed to discuss what we were going to do about our relationship. He pleaded, "Come on, we can try long distance. Give it a chance babe." 

I nodded like I usually did when I was nervous. He hugged me tightly but I was scared of how long our future together will last. 

We spent all summer practically together the whole time. We would take trips to the beach, go to amusement parks, or have movie nights at each other's houses. Of course I was happy but I knew if indulged too much, I would become too attached. 

Taehyung started writing music and the first song he ever wrote was dedicated to me. In the chorus, he kept repeating that we'd be together and it made me optimistic for our relationship and that we might withstand the distance. But his song started gaining attention on Youtube and he was noticed by many producers and companies. 

He was ready to reject all of them to spend more time with me but I told him, "Tae, stop putting me before you for one second and think about your future. You have it all planned out right now and I don't want you to waste your opportunity on me. You've made me feel like the most special girl in the world and I may not fall in love with anyone else in the same way I have with you. Just take the offer Tae, please, for me."