BTS Angsts

Happier/Namjoon

"You look happier, you do. My friends told me in day I'd feel it too, but until then I'll smile to hide the truth. But I knew I was happier, with you..."

Namjoon POV

It's been almost 4 years we've been apart. I can't remember the last time I saw your face, but I somehow never forgot it. I remember every detail. From your contagious laugh, right down to the small beauty mark at the corner of your left eye.

You were everything to me. I loved you, and you loved me. I guess it all started when I became famous huh? We were practically inseparable. You were with me 24/7, you even came to my audition.

When I got accepted as a trainee, you were ecstatic. I remember you dragging me around the city, celebrating the event. And all I did was laugh at your cute expressions.

Then the company said that we couldn't date. Not until a certain year into my career. You understood and we started dating in secret until that day came. But during the trainee process, we barely saw each other. When I came home you were sleeping, and before you woke up I was gone. It was like I was never there. I tried to make time for you, but whenever I told you I got the day off, I was always called back in.

I guess you got the memo because you told me a couple months later that you wanted to break up. You had told me, "I love you Namjoon, but I never see you anymore. I feel like I burden you because you always try to make time for me even though you have to train. I will always support you, I want you reach your dreams. And I know you will, you just have to get there without me..." You had said more after this but after that line, my mind was completely shut off. I could never imagine my life without you and I didn't want to. I didn't want to let go.

But in the end, I knew that I was only holding you back from your own happiness. There were always tear stains running down your cheek whenever I got home and you were sleeping. I always see our photo albums scattered around the house, the photos also stained with your tears. You talk and move around in your sleep, calling out for me. So in the end, I let go.

I let go of the only light in my life. The only hole that my members could not fill. I still think about you to this day and as I write this, I get a little bit sad. My members are great and I'm sure that you would have liked them too. Well anyway, this is another entry for you. If you ever see this, which is probably never, just know that I will never stop loving you, even if you've stopped loving me.

•
•
•
•

As I close the brown leather journal that I was previously writing in, I take in the smell of fresh coffee in the morning. We always loved coming to this cafe. I look around at the people enjoying the rustic vibe of the cafe, when I suddenly see you. You were sitting there with a man. He said something to make you laugh and I instantly notice that your smile was so much wider and happier than any that you have ever shown when you were with me.

I still love you, and I will never stop. Even if you don't feel the same anymore, I still love you with all my heart. You were my one and only. I hope you will never forget that.

I stood up and walked over to your table, the journal in hand. I approached you and for a split second we made eye contact. I handed you the journal and walked out of the cafe without a single word.

For you it looks like a regular worn out journal, but in that journal contained 4 years worth of my heart, and my heart will forever belong to you.