BTS Angsts

Photograph/Jungkook

"If you want to know what a person fears losing, watch what they photograph"

It's been almost 2 years since me and Jungkook started dating. We were happy together. Our relationship was like a blooming flower. The beginning was as fresh and innocent as a budding rose. Then it blossomed to be a beautiful flower. But, as all living things do, it comes to an end.

We were a photography couple. We loved taking pictures of each other on dates, special days, or whenever we felt like it. We never knew why we did it. Jungkook always said it was so that he could preserve our special moments together, but for me it was because I'm afraid of losing him. I'm afraid that if I mess up then he will leave me. I love him too much to ever let go. Although I know that if it doesn't work out, then one day he will leave me, so I take these photographs to help me hold on. I know it's not healthy, but I can't help it.

Jungkook has always been with me through thick and thin. He was always the jealous and possessive type so that being said, he was very loyal. I loved that about him. That even though I go through some tough times, he'll always be there. So you can imagine how heart broken I was when I walked in his office on our 2 year anniversary.

Jungkook told me he had to work overtime on our 2 year anniversary so he would take the entire next day off. When he told me that I was planning to go out with my bestfreind who just so happened to be Jungkook's secretary, but she was also working overtime. Me not liking being alone, went over to their office with a whole meal to celebrate at his office instead. Of course I brought my Polaroid to capture the moment I walk in. I imagine he'll be surprised.

I approach the huge doors to his office, the desk where my friend works was empty so I assumed that she went home already since it was kinda late. I open a small crack in the door, large enough for my camera to fit through, just so that I can capture him hard at work while not disturbing him. I look through the camera and snap a picture. Only to realize a second later that he and my best friend were litteraly sucking each other's faces off.

They obviously saw the flash and looked over only to see me staring down at the photo of them kissing. Jungkook immediately threw off my friend and ran towards me.

"Y/N what are you doing here?! I told you I was working overtime."

I didn't answer, I just kept staring at the photo. My heart breaking into a million pieces. At that moment I thought to myself "I was so afraid of losing you, I thought that I would be the one to mess up, but why did it have to be you..." I was so mad at myself. I was mad at him. I was mad at my friend. I looked up at him, teary eyed and said,

"Its fine really, I just want you to be happy. If having my friend makes you happy then I'm fine. You two, please be happy, but I just want you to know, Jungkook. That when you two get married and have little ones running around the house, just remember that it was because a love sick girl like me, was able to let go of the love of her life. And I hate myself even more now because even though I know you cheated, I still love you."

I handed him the photo and with that I left. I could hear his voice calling me, his broken voice enough for me to go running back into his warm arms. But, I told myself that I would make a better life for me. I would leave all the bad memories of this life behind.
That I would forget him, no matter how much I missed him.

So when I came back to our shared home, I packed up all my things. The last thing were our photos together. I look through them one last time.

Remembering those good memories that burn me in the best way possible. I smile looking at the photos, my eyes tearing up as I do. I hold them close to my heart, then with one last look, light a match and watch them burn along with all of the memories. I want him to move on from me, have a good life, because apparently, I was never good enough.

I walk out of the house and climb into my car. I didn't know where I was going, but I know that I won't regret it.

With my eyes red and puffy, my cheeks stained with tears I mutter a small, "Goodbye, Jeon Jungkook"