twisted dares - l.s.

Epilogue

April 11th, 2015
"Since I can't be with you right now, I will have to be content just dreaming about when we will be together again." -Susan Polis Schutz

Hi. It's been awhile. 7 years to be exact. I still can't wrap my head around what happened. The doctors explained that I was in a coma for 7 years. I slipped into the coma on New Year's Eve 2007. (becoming 2008 the next day.) My mom explained that while I was on my way to Liam's party, I was in a car crash. My mother was driving as I was only 13. She only had a few broken bones and a concussion. I, however, instantly became unconscious and slipped into a coma. I was placed on life support with slim chances of living. The car practically hit me head on and I suffered with broken ribs and many, many more injuries. My entire body feels sore and stuff.

My heart aches, longing for my husband. I wish those doors would come flying open at any moment revealing Lou.

Everyone keeps telling me Louis isn't real! How could he not be? I bet that was my real life and I'm dreaming right now. They keep telling me everything I'm saying never happened. They don't know a Louis or a Niall. And apparently Zayn and I are still friends. Apparently I spent the last 7 years in an alternate reality. A reality in which I was forced to live in misery. I loved, I cried, I laughed. It was so vivid. It's all in my head, but why should that mean it's not real?

Lou, if your somehow reading this I want you to know how much I love you. You will always be the better half of me. You helped me when no one else bothered and you saved me. I owe you everything and even then, everything isn't enough. I never wanted to put you through a loss like that. I couldn't. Yet somehow I did. It brought me here. Although I may be awake and alive, I'm not truly living without you. I've tried my entire life running from the deep end, but the more I tried to run, the more I realized I've been in the deep end all along. You were the one to sit there in the deep end with me. You were the one who made sure I didn't have to go through it alone. You were the one who helped me. You were the one who healed me. You were the one for me and you always will be. I know things will never get easier, instead I'll become stronger and that's how I'll survive. But to be honest, I don't want to become stronger. Not if it means becoming stronger without you. People say you have multiple soulmates in life, yet I don't think I'll ever find one as perfect as you, Louis. I love you. Hold on my love, I'll be with you soon.

I can't help but think how those three words will always stay apart of me. Whatever came after these words I had to do. My body was in overdrive and I had no control. The voice forced me to do many things that will continue to scar my brain. 3 rounds. I went through 3 rounds of this bullshit. He made me cut myself, hurt the ones I love, starve myself, steal, consume drugs...kill myself.

What I don't understand is why my brain didn't give me a happy life. Out of all the worlds my mind could've made up, it decided to break me from the inside out.

My twisted mind put me through hell.
My twisted mind and it's twisted dares.

-Harry Edward Tomlinson

With that Harry shut the leather notebook and walked outside. He pulled out his lighter and tossed it into the fire pit causing the entire thing to engulf in flames. He took a deep breath and threw the notebook in the fire. He watched as it slowly burnt away. The blank pages that once had words written on them were being destroyed as well as the memories associated with what was once there. Harry spun on his heel and walked away, not giving the scene another glance and leaving the notebook to crumble.

I'll be with you soon, Louis.