The damaged brains

Chapter 25 - Blame.

  His wife .. ! " I swallowed hard ,barely able to piece together the words I had just heard .

I turned to Ian who surprisingly hadn't move a muscle . I was confused ,broken , under a shock and furious , I didn't know I could feel all these emotions at one time .

Ian sighed deeply then he got up and wore his clothes under our pair of furious eyes , I felt guilty as the poor baby boy kept crying .. I never expected myself to be put in this horrid position .

" Ex-wife .. and get over it allready Ash . " He sounded so calm . As if he was used to her drama and it wasn't effecting him anymore .

The sun dipped below the horizon and the four of us drawned in the darkness , a lantern's light appeared from the long passageway and it came our way .. it was Mr Andrew and Jack . I tried mybest to find where my miserable stupid jeans were in the dark and then I put them on quickly and wore my hoody .

I got out of the room before they could get in , all I wanted was to get away from Ian . I was hurt and my heart I felt to be broken to a million pieces and I knew I couldn't hold my tears for so long .

Jack stepped inside while the light shone upon the lady and her boy's faces .

" Ashley .. is everything okey ? " He asked .

It was a funny feeling ,getting hurt and blaming yourself for being so stupid .. I was so messed up , I couldn't cry nor talk , I was paralyzed and a thought of me dying crossed my mind .. It was a calming thought , the finality of it all . This whole world , all the seven billion of us " what has left of us " are going to die and I prepared myself to die rather than having a broken heart .

Ian touched my arm , appearantly he called my name and I was too deep in the hollow of my misery I didn't heard him .

The lady kept glaring at me with blaming eyes , she looked at me like I was a trash . From the furious flames of jealousy shining in her pretty eyes I knew she would have happily made a meal out of me .

" Please , let me explain things to you .. she's not my wife . " My mind automatically shut Ian's voice out as if my broken heart collaborated with it to turn down everything that he would say .

Ashley sighed and flipped her hair in irritation .

I finally gathered my shattered pieces together and walked out of the room . Ian followed by calling my name .

" Ian .. don't . " Mr Andrew's voice was the last thing I heard . I was hurt , but I wasn't dead and surprisingly I felt strong and in no time I hoped all this will be just a stupid memory .

I walked out of the connected complex , leaving everyone behind and trying my best to leave my emotions behind as well .

Under the shinning moon a fire was being set not far from the stonned walls beneath the larg over hanging cliff , I walked down the narrow ravine to the freshwater spring and I took a big gulp , I swallowed hard and I knew I was on the verge of crying , I let the tears drop down my cheeks like a wild waterfall .

I missed my mother , and Grey .. If only I had never left , all I found here was heart break and misery . I promised myself to get back by the first light of dawn and to never return even if it was the last safe place on earth .

It was a fine evening , a warm one , I decided to spend the night outside ... Not that I was going to sleep after what had happened anyways .

The vision of the little baby's tears flashed in my memory and I cursed myself , even though I did not know he had a baby and even if she wasn't his wife but his ex I believe I deserved to know . I felt stupid , how could he hide such a thing from me and how could Cassandra too ,she and I were friends .. or so I thought .

Couple of hours past and all I could hear was my suicidal thoughts and sometimes I heard the fainting voices and laughs of the people sitting by the fire on the other end of the ravine .

Footsteps were heard coming closer from not far away , without turning around and still facing the running water under the moon's light I knew who the person was .

" Leave me alone . " I needed to stay alone and he was the last person on earth I wanted to talk to .

" Emma please .. I know I messed up ,I want to make myself clear . I beg you to hear me , and then what ever you decide.. I'll respect it . "

How odd ! It was amazing how my feelings for him changed in to time , I knew myself that Im a person who doesn't give second chances but I was bewildered how fast I hated him .. I wasn't sure if it was just because I was mad at him or it was for good .

He kept talking and all my mind processed from his talk was " ballshit " .

" I feel like I don't know who you are .. Im not trying to make you feel bad about yourself though you should , I just feel like you're a stranger to me . " I simply let what I felt out . And for real I wasn't trying to make him feel guilty nor trying to set things clear between us .. there was no us anymore .

" Babe .. "

" Don't call me that . " I glared at him with furious eyes , I would never let him act like nothing had happened .

" Em please ,give me a chance to make myself clear and then what ever you decide i'm down for it . "

I kept quiet giving him the green light to keep talking .

" I really can not live without you , I've been terrified that I might lose you and thats why I didn't tell you but trust me I was going to let you know . " He paused for a while then he continued .

" Ashley and I first met at high school , she was the picture-perfect of a chear-leader , we became friends at first and then we fell in love . We decided to go to medical school tegether and when we got married we were still at college. Soon after that we both knew that this was never going to work so we decided to have a friendly devorce and so we did . She found out about her pregnancy two months after we got devorced and the baby brought us together once again but just as friends we swore to raise him together and to surround him with love and support , and through the past last two year Ailith had been the only thing that kept us in touch , as a mere friends and nothing more . When the pandemic started Ashley was in the south at her family's , and as you know the phones shutt down and I couldn't possibly leave the town to look for them , with all the army surrounding the boarders I wasn't going to leave any where , I thought I'd lost my kid .. and in the middle of all this chaos I met you Em . You were my shelter and you brought me back to life , there was no way I take the risk to be in the position to lose you , I knew how deep I fell in love with you . " He paused getting lost in his own thoughts , I kept staring at the reflection of the moon upon the running waters.

My heart hadn't been able to distinguish the right feeling to feel ,I was frozen .

" Trust me Emma , thats the only reason why I didn't tell you , because I did not want to lose you , it's just .. I'm so done with this whole pandemic and the chaos we're living through , and you are the only one who make me feel that I can actually take a fucking breath ."

Wether it was the warm evening that prevented us from getting inside , or wether it was the silent that surrounded the place , we both sat by the freshwater spring when the voices and laughs of the people sitting by the fire faded away and died , we sat there , when the last ashes of the dying fire fell we sat there and when the darkness seemed to fade away letting the first dawn's light appear upon the horizon .. we sat quietly there .