It's always been you (Shelby and Toni story)

Part 8

Shelby pov

"What happen?" Fatin asked

"She was saying all kinda stuff and she wasn't lying" I answered

So you just gone let Reagan win?" Fatin asked

"Fatin this is deeper than who can get the girl game" I said rolling my eyes

"I'm just saying you letting her win, and why did you tell her she's just a game? I wouldn't be surprised if she never give you a chance now" Fatin spoke drinking her water

"Because I love her" I said causing Fatin to choke on her water

I looked at her and patted her on her back

Once she calmed down she asked "wait what? You love her?

"Yes I love her" I answered

"You told me you like her not love her, now this changes everything, she has to know now" responded

"No I can't" I said

"Why wouldn't you tell the women you love that you love her?" She asked

"Because she deserves better Fatin, I know that I'm not ready to come out yet, I'm not even ready to come out to my friends and I'm with y'all everyday, how and the hell would I could out to my parents" I answered

"I don't know but maybe if you tell her maybe y'all would figure it out together, I mean think about it if the roles was reversed would you want Toni to tell you?" Fatin asked

"Uggg I hate that you make me think" I said

"Whatever happens I'm here foe it" she says shrugging

"Thank you Fatin, it's really nice to talk about her with someone" I said leaning my head on her shoulders

"You know you can also talk to the other girls about this, they won't judge you" she says

"I know, I'm just not ready for people to know yet" I responded

"Know what?" Toni asked while taking a seat by me causing me to turn my head quick at her

"Toni, when did you get here?" I asked

"This morning, me and Martha got into a fight so I asked Fatin can I stay with her for a while since she had this big ass house" Toni answered

"Oh but me and Fatin was just talking about how I'm not ready for people to know that um... I don't know how to preach" I lied

She looked at me as if she was confused

"My dad wants me to take over the church just for Sunday cause he wants to see if I can preach" I spoke

"Oh" she spoke nodding in understanding

"Yeah, I'm not ready" I said

"Don't all you gotta do is read out of a bible and talk about what it's saying?" She asked

I looked at her surprise cause I never thought she been to church and I guess she could tell I was surprised

"I had foster parents who were Christians and they would always take me to church and pray the gayness out of me" she said

"Oh, I'm sorry" I said

"For what? I'm good" she responded

"Okay" Fatin spoke getting up... "I guess I'll leave you two love birds alone, if y'all need me I'm in the shower" Fatin spoke walking away

"what?" Toni asked Fatin confused to what Fatin was talking about

Fatin went upstairs

"What she talking about?" Toni asked

"Um she knows about us- not us I meant what use to be us" I said nervously

"How did she find out?" Toni asked

"She said we was spending to much time together and also I was talking to her and I accidentally called you Toni and I always call you Shalifoe" I said

"Are you okay with her knowing because I know you not like ready to come out to anyone" Toni asked

"Well I gotta be okay with it because she know already and plus she said she wouldn't tell anyone" I answered

"Why did you and Martha fight?" I asked changing that subject

"She's mad I skipped school today with Reagan" she spoke

"Oh that's why I didn't see you at school today" I said

"Yeah, but Martha gots to understand I know I live with her right now or whatever but she's not responsible for me, and I'm not just some kid she has to keep track of every damn second" Toni spoke and I could see that she was getting mad talking about it

"Maybe she just wants you to do better because you're like her sister and she'll do anything to take care of you" I spoke

"That's the thing I don't need anybody taking care of me Shelby, I been taking care of myself for 17 years and I don't need someone to do it for me now" Toni spoke

"She's just tryna help" I responded

"I don't need her help, I don't need anybody's help" Toni said and I could see the angry keep building up

"I understand but-

She cut me off in the middle of my sentence

"No you don't understand Shelby, you never had to take care of yourself you always had your parents, you always got things handed to you, you good you always been good and Martha have to" Toni spoke before getting up and storming out the door, she made sure to slam it behind her

I couldn't say nothing cause she was right I've always had my parents I never had to worry about a thing

_____

Toni pov

I went to the place I always go when I get mad and have to calm down

I can't believe Shelby tried to tell me that she understands when really she don't neither do Martha

I know that Shelby ain't mean no harm she's just trying to help and Martha just trying to help also but I don't need anybody's help

I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself

once I started getting cold I started leaving Ion know where I was going, I was just letting my feet walk for only my feet to bring me to a damage place

A place I use to call my home

It looks old and disgusting and it looks like it was just some abandoned trailer that no one lived in for years which no one did

I couldn't help but to walk in, it looked a mess, and it was so cold in here that the outside was warmer and it's 40° out there

I missed being here with my mom, I miss my mom before she got hooked onto drugs

I wish I could go back to them days

I walked in my mom old room and most of her things were still there, and her personal things were in a box in the closet, I hid it there so I could always remember the old days

I got the box out of the closet and sat on the bed

I started going through it smiling at it remembering what all thing were used for

Tears just started coming down as I plundered through the box I tried to stop crying but I couldn't

I just laid back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling

"Mom I miss you" I spoke to myself

I stared at the ceiling for a while just thinking about everything with my mom, my dad, my family

Later I felt my eyes get heavier and heavier as sleep took over my body