31. Thankful

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If you would've asked me a few months ago how I'd be spending my Thanksgiving, I'd have told you quite literally anything except how I'm actually spending the holiday. "This is quite literally the largest waste of trees that I have ever seen." Flipping through the endless amount of paperwork that I'm being made to fill out at the doctor, Josh laughs, shaking his head at me in amusement. "It's not even double sided!"

"Love, if the paper usage is the only issue we have with this doctor then I'll count that as a win." Sighing, I know that he's right and I know that I'm being ridiculous; I'm just nervous. This is our first official appointment, the one with endless questions and our first sonogram. Despite hearing the heartbeat that night after our scare at the bar, I can't help but wonder if I've done something wrong since then? That there may be something wrong with the baby? I wouldn't love it any less, of course but it's still scary as hell and complaining about the clinic's overuse of paper is proving to be a distraction; small at best, but still.

"Have you thought about the possibility of something being wrong?" I ask, voicing my concerns out loud for the first time since we woke up this morning, "that maybe my intense morning sickness is really a sign of something horrible?" Josh's hand moves from his lap to mine to take my hands in his.

"Penelope, whatever the doctor says today, good or bad, it's going to be alright. Okay? But with how young we are, the healthy lifestyle we both lead" he trails off, squeezing my hand, "I'm sure our raspberry is perfectly fine."

Humming, I reply, "it's actually closer to a cherry now.

"A cherry? Is that actually any bigger than a raspberry. I feel like generally those two fruits are nearly the same size so to use them as stepping stones-."

"Josh" I interject, laughing gently, "don't think too hard. You'll hurt yourself." Pursing his lips, he leans over to kiss me and I revel in the feeling of his lips brushing against mine; a feeling I still haven't allowed myself to get used to, even after almost six days of being back together. Knowing that sooner than later he's going to be back on a flight to LA, I relish every touch, kiss and lingering gaze he has to offer. "Now, finish your paperwork so we can get out of here. Unless you'd like to miss the entire parade" he threatens, knowing how upset I am about missing even a minute of the Macy's tradition.

"Our child will never miss the parade" I insist, allowing my mind to wander if only for a minute, to a future of myself in the kitchen, trying not to burn down the house while Josh argues to let him help, all the while our kid sits in front of the television, eyes glued to the screen as their favorite stars sing Christmas songs. It's a nice thought, one I find myself thankful enough to have.

Glancing at Josh, I'm reminded that my mom once sat in seats a lot like these, scared out of her mind at the idea of becoming a mother with a man she knew she couldn't trust; a man who would inevitably leave us both. The thought threatens to break my heart but having Josh here, it keeps it intact. "Josh."

"Hm?" He hums questioningly, turning his gaze onto me once more. I lean forward and capture his lips with mine, lingering just a second longer than necessary before pulling away. "What was that for?" He asks, though not complaining.

Running my fingertips over the stubble on his cheek I smile. "Just thankful to have you. I love you Josh."

"I love you too Penelope" he agrees, kissing me back swiftly before tapping his finger against the papers in my lap. "But I swear, if you don't fill out these damn forms-."

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This first exam is never-ending. And Josh isn't even allowed in the room for most of it which is the worst part. But finally, the technicalities are almost over and the sonogram is the last thing on the agenda. "So, before we let dad back in the room, is there anything else you'd like to discuss?" My doctor, a woman I don't know well but who now knows me too well, asks.

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