A Kiss and I Will Surrender

29

Gerard's POV:

It was Friday night and I don't know how drunk I was, but I knew that I had drank a whole lot of alcohol. I don't mean like, a six pack of beer, I mean like: almost a whole bottle of vodka. I didn't mean to drink that much, I honest-to-god I was just going to take a shot or two, but then my lips met the bottle and I just couldn't stop. The liquid burnt as it slid down my throat, surely poisoning my liver for good. I was in my room, lying on my bed just staring at the ceiling. It looked just like the ceiling in my dorm. Had I been back there, I might be drinking with Ray-- no no, no. Ray and I are over. I had to remind myself that. I broke up with him for Frank, but Frank didn't want me. I didn't know how much time had passed or what anyone else was doing. Maybe they were sleeping, maybe they were watching television, maybe they were solving a homicide, maybe they were committing a homicide. Who knew!?

The bottle in my hand felt heavy, which was strange since it was more than half empty. I had started drinking around sunset, so it was probably pretty late. I didn't want to feel anything. Frank wanted nothing to do with me. He hated me. I was a horrible person and a worse friend. If I could even call myself his friend. I just wanted him to be happy, and since that clearly didn't involve me, I was going to drink away my sorrows.

I closed my eyes, the darkness made me uneasy- or maybe that was the vodka. It was hard to tell. I'd also smoked a lot of weed earlier so it could have been that. Why would he want me? I was a fuck up, a reject, I was a dick and a loser and I had so many problems. I was worthless. I wanted to fade into the night, dissolve like a spoonful of salt in a pot of boiling water. I wished that my head would explode, maybe if I took another sip it would. I reached for the bottle, tipping it towards my mouth. My lips felt numb as I gulped down the poison in my hands. It spilled over my lips and streaked down my face and onto my shirt. What a waste of some perfectly good Vodka.

I swallowed hard, my throat a raging fire. I sighed, maybe this was it; maybe this was as good as it was gonna get for me. I could never have Frank, and it was all my fault. I knew that much. At least I was no longer in denial about my feelings for him. I liked him more than I'd ever liked anyone else ever before.

I wanted to melt in his arms and evaporate, becoming the very air he breathed in. I wanted to be the water droplets that explored every inch of his skin in the shower. The feeling of his hands in mine, I wanted his hands on me. I wanted him to be the blood that ran through my veins and oh god I wanted to taste his lips against mine. He could dissolve in my mouth like a hard candy, the sweet sugar sticking to every tooth and every bud on my tongue. I wanted his heartbeat to be the only sound I could hear, his voice was music to my ears. His smile, his eyes; everything about him was so beautiful, so incredible, so wonderful. Any adjective you can think of to describe the most flawless being to exist. His beauty was unparalleled, he was everything I wanted and more. He was perfect.

I wanted to tell him that; I wanted him to know how amazing he was. I wanted to hold him in my arms and whisper sweet nothings into his ear. I wanted him.

I reached for the bottle again, but this time I found my phone in my hand. I didn't know how I'd got his number- to be honest- but it was there, in my phone. I tapped the contact, listening to the hum of the phone ringing.

"Hello?" He sounded tired... had I woken him up? Oh no, oh no that would be bad. He already wanted nothing to do with me, and now here I was, bothering him wwith my idiocy. Maybe he'd just gone to bed early.

"Hello?" He repeated. I hadn't even realized that I hadn't responded. That's how out of it I was.

"Frank," I whispered his name, it rolled off my tongue so perfectlyy.

"Gerard? What.. Why are you calling me?" I smiled at the sound of his voice. I absolutely looved the soundd of his voice.

"I just wanted to tell you something," I said, I was still whispering.