A Million Little Secrets- Josh Richards

010

***TRIGER IN THIS EPISODE***

He puts his hands on my  waist as he kisses me. At first I don't kiss back, but then I do. I wrap my arms around his neck and I can feel him softly smile as he notices i'm kissing him back. I have no idea why i'm kissing Josh right now, but I am. And i'm ok with it. It's like, when I kiss him, every time a man touched me or hurt me or forced me was all gone. All those horrible memories had left my brain and it was just me and him. Soon enough, we pulled away to catch our breath. As soon as we did, it all came flooding back.  My eyes tear up and Josh notices.

Josh: I'm sorry Sam.

Me: N-no, its ok. I-i just got to g-go.

I hop off of the counter and run downstairs. I grab my jacket and slip on my shoes as fast as I can. I then open the door and rush out side. As soon as the cool fall air of October hits my face, tears start streaming down my face. I need to get away from home. I need to run, it's what I do best and I need to do it.  So I do, I start running. I don't know where I was running to but I run. I run for a good 15 minutes until I was on this old country road. Right then and there I broke down. I feel to the ground as my knees where shaking and stated crying uncontrollably. Its all came back.  Every single memory. Every single time a man would force me to do things I didn't want to do. Every time I would refuse and they would hit me so they could do it to me anyways. It all came back and it was to much. It hurt and felt like I was re-living it all. The worst part being that my father let them do it to me for money. He treated me like an objet, not a human or his daughter. I hate him, I hate him so much.  He was horrible to me and my mom. Then a car pulled up next to me and someone got out. I couldn't tell who it is but they ran to me and hugged me. I could tell it was a guy and the sent of his hoodie smelt familiar.  I was to weak to fight them off, but i'm pretty sure it was Josh. This guy who i'm pretty sure is Josh, pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. One of his arms was holding my head to his chest and the other was tracing shapes against my skin on my lower back. His head was rested naturally on mine and I cried. I heard him whisper soothing things in my ear trying to make me feel better. I knew it was Josh through his voice. I nodded slowly still crying. I couldn't stop at that moment. It os just me and Josh sitting on the ground in the middle of nowhere while I cry in his arms. Great. I hate that he's seeing me like this. After 15 minutes, I have calmed down but a lot of tears are still streaming down my face. Josh helped me stand up and I looked down. I feel bad that I just kissed him and then ran off crying. I hope he doesn't think this is his fault. It isn't, its me and my issues. 

Josh: Look Sam, I'm sorry about the kiss. Let me just drive you home so I can make sure your ok and then we can talk about this later.

I nod. I can't form any words right now without breaking down again. I walked to the car and got int he passengers seat as Josh got in the drivers seat. I don't want Josh to think I ran away cause cause he kissed me. I liked the kiss. I think I like him. I feel like I can trust him more than I can trust a lot of people. And he makes me happy and always makes me laugh. I do, I do like him. I don't know what to do. I have never liked anybody before. Do I tell him? No, I shouldn't do that. I don't want to get hurt. Ugh, God help me! I just look out the window lost in my thoughts, tears still falling from time to time. The only noise in the car was the radio softly playing music. I looked at Josh and see him lost in his own thoughts. He probably thinks i'm a freak now. He's probably wondering why I was crying. I have to come up with an excuse. I can't tell him, not yet at least. I don't want him to leave my life. He's making me happy which not many people do to me. I want him in my life, i don't want him to leave me like everyone els has. I want him to be with me.

A/n: I know this is a seems like a really short chapter, but I promise its a lot of words.