A Million Little Secrets- Josh Richards

040

I sit in my car on Monday morning and watch all the students enter the school. To be honest, I am really scared to go back to school after being completely heart broken and embarrassed after Friday night. How is everyone going to look at me now? It's not liked they looked at me when I was along but they did when I was with Josh and how are they going to look at me after they find out the truth? The truth being that I meant nothing to Josh and that I was just a bet. How i someone supposed to react after they find out the person they are utterly in love with meant nothing to them and they where just hanging out with them because their friends dared them to do it? All weekend I have been crying, watching cheesy movies and eating like shit. Charli has been with me the whole time but I refuse to eat ice cream cause that's what you do when your in the deep end and i'm not there. Yet. But I can tell you I haven't eaten healthy food at all this weekend and I plan on eating like a fat bitch for how ever long I please. I finally grow the balls to get out of my car and stand beside Charli who was waiting for me outside of my car. She looks at me and I flash her a tiny smile and nod. She nods back and picks up her bag of the ground to throw over her shoulder. After she does, we walk inside the school and I keep my head down the whole time just like I did the first day of school. I'm trying my best to avoid all looks as much as possible wether their sympathetic looks or what-an-idiot looks. W get to our lockers and I quickly do all the stuff I need with my binders and textbooks. I try to be as quick as possible so I have less a chance of running into Josh. I don't need to break down in front of the entire school again. As I finish, I look at Charli who is still putting her stuff in her bags.

Me: I'm going to class early. 

She nods and I quickly run down the hallway to my first class of the day which is math. As I start walking, I see someone down the hall who looks exactly like Josh. My body freezes and everything goes quiet. All I am focused on is this silhouette and if it's Josh or not. The guy turns around and lucky for me, it's not Josh. I continue my speed walk down the hall way. I get to math class and pick a desk in the back corner of the room to be as invisible as possible. I am really just done with life and the one thing that is keeping me from joining my Mom is my overthinking motherfucker as a brain. A part of me wonders if Josh actually loves me or at least loved me but then another part of me tells me that if I go back to him, he will just end up hurting me again and that same part tells me that if I listen to what Josh has to say, it will just hurt me more. That will push me into the deep end and I can't go into the deep end. If I go into the deep end, the thoughts about my joining my Mom wont just be thoughts anymore, they will be my actions. They can't be actions. I can't put Charli through that. She literally dropped everything for me for me to just leave her? Thats cruel. Class then starts and everyone pays attention but I zone out. Way to long after, the bell finally rings and it's time for my favourite class but I don't think I will enjoy it to much today. I walk into art class early and sit in the back of the class again. The bell then soon rings and class starts. I zone out once again, not paying the least bit attention. Everything this morning seems to be moving in slow motion and i'm over it. In what feels like 3 hours but was only 45 minutes, the bell rings. I quickly stand up and walk over to Charli's desk. As we are about to leave, the teacher stops me.

Miss. L: Miss. Parker, are you ok today?

*I gulp and try to hold back the tears that have been threatening to fall all morning*

Me: I-un, I just don't really want to talk about it.

*She scrunches her eyebrows together and nods*

Miss. L: Alright, well if you do, I will be here!

*I nod and give her a small smile as a thank you.*

Me: Thanks

*She nods*

Miss. L: I'll see you at the fair tonight?

*I gulp again and shrug my shoulders. She sighs and puts down the stack of art work she was organizing.*

Miss. L: Please Sam?

*I look down and then up again. I nod. Maybe this will be aa distraction from everything that has to do with Josh and this stupid drama bullshit.*