A Million Little Secrets- Josh Richards

045

The next morning after I finished getting ready for school, I picked up Charli. We played music but it was quiet. Bot awkward but Charli knew I didn't want to talk about it. I park the cat and as I unbuckle my seatbelt, Charli gently grabs my arm causing me to stop. 

Charli: If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here like I always am.

*I nod and smile slightly*

Me: Thanks.

*She nods and we get out of the car. We walk into the school and everyones eyes are on e but not in a good way, in a judgemental way. They probably think i'm some sex crazed slut. I keep my head down and just continue to walk to my locker with Charli beside me. As we get closer to our lockers, I see a group of people surrounding it. I get confused and me and Charli quickly push out way through the large crowd. AS I get to my locker, I see things written on it in probably sharpie ad a picture one of the men took of me with no clothes on, obviously forcefully. My eyes start to water as I see a bunch of other notes on my locker saying a bunch of things like "Fucking slut"  "Die already" "Loveless whore" "Sex craze bitch" "Home wrecker" "Lowlife druggie" "Kill yourself" "No one loves you" "If you died nobody would care" "Not even your abusive dad loved you" "Hoe" "I hope that you someday have scars on your body from the things you should do" "Did you think Josh could actually like a slutty druggie like you?" "FUCK YOU" "I pray that you die" "Your the problem in this world" "If you died all problems would go away" "The world is better off without you so leave it" "Everyone would be better if you just died" "Street trash".  When I say my locker was filled with notes, I mean you can't even fucking see the blue metal under them. Charli quickly rips off the picture of my naked body and looks at me with sympathy. Everyone who's crowding my locker starts to laugh at me and call me the things they wrote. I wipe the tears that fell and push my way through the crowd again. I start to speed walk down the hallway when I bump into someone causing me to stop. I look up only to see fucking Josh once again. As he sees me, his face softens and he grabs my arm gently to make sure I don't run away from him.*

Josh: What happened?

*Before I could answer, Charli who I didn't even know was behind me talked for me.*

Charli: Why don't you look at it yourself dipshit?

*She hands him the notes and picture that was taped on my locker and what looks like all of the notes but I still new there where more. As Josh's eyes scan over the notes and papers, his jaw clenches and his hands are now fist's. He looks at me and I can see the anger in his eyes but I knew it wasn't because of me.*

Josh: Who the fuck did this?

*I take the notes and picture out of his hand and wipe my tears once again.*

Me: I don't care Josh, just leave it alone ok?

*He shakes his head and I start walking away. Why are people so mean, they don't even understand anything I have been through yet they feel like they can judge me?*

I hear Charli say to Josh: What the fuck are you going to do about it bigshot?

*She runs after me and I continue to walk until I hear Josh starting to yell.*

Josh: Listen up everyone! None of you have the fucking right to talk about Sam this way! If I hear one more fucking word about this I will kick all of your sorry asses! Does everyone understand? One more fucking word and your all fucking done!

*The laughter stops and I wipe my tears as Josh starts walking to me until he's in front of me.*

Josh: Sam, nothing they said is true!

*I turn around and walk out the doors leaving both him and Charli alone in the school hallways. I walk across the football field and sit under the large oak tree behind it, kinda hiding. I just don't know what the fuck to do anymore. Not even a minute later, someone sits beside me. I look over and see Josh. Great.*

Josh: What they said isn't true. They are all just a bunch of dumb fucks with big mouths.

*I look at him and wipe my tears probably for the fifth time.*

Me: But isn't it? I am just a loveless druggies daughter. I mean yeah, I have been through more shit than any of those assholes in that school will ever know but do you think that will matter? Do you think that will stop them from judging me and at least get them to try to understand what it's like for me? No one should have gone through what I did but they don't see that! I'm just a slut to them because they think I wanted it!

*He just stares at me. I painfully laugh and look ahead of me instead of at Josh.*

Me: Maybe they are right? Maybe I am better off dead?

Josh quickly says: Please don't ever say that again! Thats not true!

*I look at him again*

Me: Why Josh? I have nothing to fucking live for anymore! I don't have a future cause I will never be able to trust someone again cause I don't want to fucking fall in love with then just to get hurt! I have no body with me!

Josh slightly raises his voice: What about Charli!

Me: She'd be better off without me just like every other fucking person in this world!

Josh: No Sam!  She needs you! Fuck I need you but we already knew that!

*I shake my head and continue to cry, no looking down cause I can't look at his face right now unless I want to break down right here.*

Josh: Just promise me you wont hurt yourself, please.

*I shake my head again*

I whisper: Please just go away!

 *He comes closer to me and I can feel his hot breath on my neck, making me want to sink into his touch. But I can't.*

He whispers: Promise me.

*I get up to stop myself from crying on his chest and throw my bag over my shoulder.*

Me: I don't make promises I know I won't keep.

*I walk away and to my car leaving Josh defeated under the oak tree. I don't know what he was thinking at that moment but he was finally not chasing after me for once. I don't know if thats a good thing or not. I started driving again and found myself in the same place as yesterday, thinking the same thing as well.*