I hear Josh yell my name and start running after me. I don't stop. I need to get out of here. I don't know where but I do need to get the fuck out of this hell hole we call school. I run into the parking lot and I know Josh is hot on my tail but I don't care. I start walking towards my car when someone gently grabs my arm causing me to stop walking. I turn around only to be faced with the person I want to see the least right now. Josh.
Josh: I'm sorry.
*I rip my arm out of his grip and shake my head, letting a couple tears fall as I do.*
Me: For what Josh! For telling Nessa my secret that I only ever trusted you with or for her telling the whole school and calling me a slut?
Josh: I didn't tell her Sam! I wouldn't do that!
*I laugh frustratedly*
Me: How did she know then Josh?! I sure as fuck didn't tell her!
*More tears fall and he shakes his head softly. I can see his soft. baby blue eyes becoming glossed over and filling with tears. He gulps and reaches over for my hand. I pull it away and take a step back from him. He can't do that every time we fight.*
He says just above a whisper: You have got to believe me Sam, I didn't tell her.
Me: How do you expect me to fucking believe you Josh?! After all the shit you have put me through and after all the pain you have caused me how can I trust you anymore?!
*At this point, my blood is boiling. I think his is too.*
Josh: Because I fucking love you!
*There goes that damn fucking knife again. I shake my head and take a step back from him since he moved closer to me.*
Me: You don't love me Josh.
Josh: How do you know how I feel? I do love you! I love you more than I have ever loved something before!
I yell: No you don't Josh!
*He looks at me deep in the eye*
Josh: Why do you think that Sam?
*I gulp and let more tears fall down my face.*
Me: Because I was a bet to you Josh.
*He shakes his head obviously frustrated*
Josh: You where more than a fucking bet to me then and you are more than a bet to me now! Every time I have told you that I loved you I meant it cause I am so deeply in love with you!
*I shake my head not wanting to believe him. It made it 10x harder to let him go than it already is.*
Me: I need to go
*A tear rolls down his cheek*
Josh: I know you Samantha, don't forget that. I know you don't believe me when I say I love you but I'm telling you it's the truth.
Me: Then why didn't you tell me Josh? Why didn't you tell me I was a bet if you loved me?
Josh: I didn't want to lose you Sam! It was stupid but I thought that if I kept it from you, I wouldn't have lost you. It didn't really matter though cause I would have lost you either way, wouldn't I?
*I nod and break the harsh eye contact we have kept for a while.*
Me: Yeah, you would've cause you don't play with someones feelings like that.
*I turn around and walk to my car, I open the door but turn around to look at Josh*
Me: Tell Charli I just went for a drive and will be back soon if she asks you.
*I close the door and watch as he walks into the school building. He runs his hand through his hair a couple of times and wipes a couple of the tears that fell down his face. As soon as he walks through the school building doors, I break down crying in my car. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to believe anymore. Of course I love Josh but is he just telling me he loves me cause he knows how broken and fragile I am or does he actually love me? After about 5 minutes of crying, I pull my self together a little and drive out of the school parking lot. I just start driving to I don't even know where but I don't really care cause I just need to get out of the school. I cry while driving in dead silence, not even music is playing. Some how, I end up at the dock Josh brought me to. I get out of my car and I walk through the beach forest thing. I walk to the end of the dock and sit down. I watch the waves crash against the rocks and cry while thinking. What the fuck do I do? I want to believe Josh so bad but how do I know if he's lying to me or not? How do I know that if I go back to him, I wont end up hurt again? How do I know that if I let him go, I wont be in as much pain anymore? Its so much to deal with and I really just don't want to be living right now. I love him so much it actually hurts me.*
YOU ARE READING
A Million Little Secrets- Josh Richards
Storie d'amoreA girl with a dark past, she wants to keep it the past. She has a lot of trust issues but for some reason, she trust's him. Was that a mistake? Will her life crumble down completely? You'll have to read to find out ;) ****Please read at your own ris...
