Unlucky Fate with You

KABANATA 17

Camille

"Hey, wait! Kuya Jan! What are you doing?"

Nahigit ko ang aking hininga at natigil rin ako sa pag-iyak sa sinambit niyang iyon.

Jan. So, it's really him.

Nakasalampak pa rin ako rito sa sahig. No one dares to help me even though they saw everything. Of course, they knew how painful it was to be slapped down... but of course, alam ko rin na ayaw  naman talaga nila sa'kin at the first place.

They must be secretly laughing inside their heads right now, thinking that I deserved this, na sa wakas may tao nang nakasakit sa'kin na hindi nila magawa-gawa.

Hindi naman ako bingi mas lalong hindi manhid para hindi mapakinggan at damdamin lahat ng tsismis tungkol sa akin na kumakalat dito sa buong floor namin or even sa buong company.

I once heard them murmuring about me seduced my boss para piliin sa trabahong ito, na nilalandi ko si boss sa loob ng opisina niya dahil halos hindi ako lumabas kapag wala namang trabaho. Katahimikan ko lang ang pinairal ko.

Sanay na ako.

Tulala lang akong nakatingin sa sahig. I honestly wished that Miss Lucky would come just to take me out of this circle of people. She's the only one who's kind to me here but unfortunately, unluckily... she was not here.

And Mr. Rovero, na siya ring Mr. Jan na kilala ko ay tanging galit ang pinairal. He looked stunned and pale habang nakatingin sa babae kahit halos mag-usok na ang tainga sa galit.

And this girl, who just called him by that name was currently pleading to his Kuya Jan na h'wag siyang palabasin even though the guards wasn't doing anything yet.

Bakit naman kasi nila gagawin iyon sa anak ng may-ari ng kompanyang pinagtatrabahuhan nila?

Right at this moment, I came to realized kung gaano ako naging matatag these past few days.

I managed to control my emotions and weaknesses. I stayed on the positivities like what I really planned. It's a good thing, I know.

But today, this girl slapped isn't as hard as how the reality slapped me. This is just a physical pain that would probably last only for a few minutes but the reality is another story, it just dragged my whole strength and control that I held for the past few days.

It's all clear as crystals now. I don't belong anywhere not even in my brother's arms and shelter.

Makakaya nilang magsinungaling ng harap-harapan para lang hindi mapalapit sa akin. Makakaya nilang maglaho bigla pagkatapos nilang pasukin ang mundo ko.

Ang tanging kinabibilangan ko siguro ay ang lugar kung saan ako lang mag-isa. Alone, grieving and waiting for my time to end.

Kapag ganoon siguro ay mapapanatag ako kasi alam kong walang madadamay sa mga kamalasan ko.

I was supposed to be in hell now together with my unlucky fate.

All of my thoughts got me overwhelmed. I just realized that I'm shaking and sweating profusely. My head weigh so light and my heart beats erratically. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko.

God! Not now, please...

Nanginginig man ay dahan-dahan at maingat akong tumayo. Para akong nakalutang sa hangin at naninikip na naman ang dibdib ko.

I know everyone was eyeing me but I really want to get out of here.

I need darkness for my peace.

I walked out. Ignoring everything, totally. I don't know if it's weird or not but I just found myself sitting in the closed toilet inside a comfort room filled with darkness. My kind of peace.