Unlucky Fate with You

Simula

Simula

Life is too short.

Iyan ang sabi ng nakararami. Kaya kailangan daw lubusin at sulitin na natin dahil hindi natin malalaman kung kailan tayo kukunin ng Panginoon, na hangga't nabubuhay tayo... we should do the things we love. Be a good person not just for yourself but also for the other people... kaya kapag namatay ka sa langit ang punta mo.

I guess, life is too short for me, indeed.

Pero paano naman kami na nabuhay ng malas?

'Yung pagkapanganak pa lang sa‘yo kamalasan na ang nagmulat sa mga mata mo't katauhan.

Paano 'pag nalaman mo na mamamatay ka lang din paglipas ng ilang araw, buwan o taon? Nakakatakot hindi ba?

Paano ko masusulit ang buhay ko kung may isang bagay na pumipigil sa‘kin?

I'm so unlucky right? I'm damned.

Lahat ng mga katanungan na nakakatanim dito sa isipan ko ay pilit ko na lang iwinawaksi kasi 'di ko rin naman masasagot iyon lahat. Hindi rin ako matutulungan nito kung sakaling malaman ko ang sagot.

I accepted it. I've chosen to stay on the bright side in the short span of my life time to this damn world.

Kahit mahirap at masakit.

Ayaw ko na maawa sila sa‘kin pero ayaw ko ring masaktan sila. I'm not even sure if I really deserve their efforts and sacrifices just to make me happy, just to keep me safe. My presence is just a bad luck to theirs.

I chose to hold on not minding everything that future holds for me. Time flies much quicker when you're happy though.

But despite the truth that I always feel the darkness continuously filling my heart even though I'm looking at that colorful rainbow, I kept the hope in my heart tightly.

Rainbow...

I think every color has its different reason, whether it symbolizes your good fate or the bad one. Colors that still managed to shine whatever's inside it.

Everything has a reason, they said.

Mga rason na minsan alam mo, na minsan ipinagkakait sa iyo, na minsan mas pipiliin mong huwag nang alamin.

•••

NATAPOS ang araw na iyon na sobrang pagod ako. Mentally and physically.

Oh, god!

I may look calm all through out the day but my mind was flying everywhere and can't stop thinking of the possibilities na maaaring mangyari sa araw na iyon.

I'll just have to wait for the company's call kung sakaling natanggap nga ako.

And just like that, the long day finally ended when I decided to go home, alone and did all my usual cycle.

And before closing my eyes, preparing my mind to meet another darkness, I found myself praying. Deep and sincere.

I wished for a change. A change like waking up for another day with less negativity and more fortunate weeks ahead of me.

The vibration and loud noise of my phone awakened me from an empty darkness. I got up and checked the time, it's just around six in the morning. So early and quite.

God, I'm grateful.

Wala akong inaasahan na tawag mula sa kahit sino sa ganito kaagang oras pero kinuha ko na lang ang phone at sinagot nang hindi tinitingnan ko kung sino ang tumawag.