Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

October 25-31, 2015

October 25, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

This would be a good week. We had a midterm break and that meant no school. I also now knew my true identity.

I slept well after opening my heart to everyone last night. I think everyone was in shock, which was a surprise, as I do not know how they could be shocked. It's not like that every time someone thought of me in the past, that they thought if I was transgendered or not. Everyone seemed to have their own conclusion. I felt at peace that I made my own conclusion.

I should have suspected that things would not go my way. The usual chaos that we had every Sunday morning did not happen. Billy was not hogging the bathroom and it seemed that no one was up. It was quite strange that I did not have to use the toilet in the back yard as a toilet because my family was in a panic to be ready for Church. Dad told me that he would be driving me to Choir. The family had other things to do.

Noah laughed at me when he saw me at choir. He asked why I was wearing jeans with flowers and a girls jumper. I looked at him and asked what is the law that only girls can wear clothes like this. The boys started teasing until Father Immer came and said its time for mass. Noah did not stop his harassment. He whispered things during mass. I was becoming more and more agitated. When he whispered that I was a sissy for the hundredth time, I lost control. I shouted in a loud voice, " I admit that I am a sissy".

The church went silent after they heard this.

After Church, I stood outside as people gave me strange looks. Bella gave me a hug and her Granny said that she admired my courage. Even Annie came up to me and gave me the second hug she ever gave me. She did not say anything else and went back to her family. These were nice people. Everyone else gave me a look as if I had some disease.

In the end, I was left there by myself. I was waiting for Dad to come and drive me home. I sat on a wet bench in the cold rain. I started to think of what Jesus thought of sissies. I started to think of the teasing I would get when I was at school. I was wondering why Annie ignored me until now. Why was she suddenly interested in me? Why did my life have to be so complicated? Why could I not be normal?

An hour after Dad was supposed to come, he finally showed up. He did not say anything in the car. The same happened at home. Everyone was silent. I spent most of the day on my bed with Rosie, the porcelain doll.

October 26, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

I was woken up today by my mom that said the police wanted to speak with me. I started to have an anxiety attack because I thought they wanted to speak about the mobile phone. I gathered what courage I could and went down to the officers. They asked a lot of questions about my aunt that was in jail accused of trying to murder my mom. I felt a bit awkward that the police was asking me all this. She was my aunt. She was family. I told the police what I knew. I knew nothing about any attempt to kill my mother. I could not understand why any sister would try to kill another sister. The only thing my aunt did was to start confusing me saying that I should have been born a girl. I was happy when the police were finished questioning me. It was funny is that they thought that they were going to question a boy. They did not expect to find a girl. Dad was so quiet.

When the police went, Dad lost his patience. He told mom that the next day she was to buy new boys clothes. He refused to believe that his son wanted to wear girl clothes. He gave his lecture on how immoral it was. It was not normal for a boy to want to wear a dress! Dad was very serious when he said this and warned mom that there was no discussion.

Dad didn't care if I was in tears. He didn't care if Sarah was in tears. He didn't care if mom wanted to discuss it. In fact, he felt proud that he put his foot down.