Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

March 20-26, 2016

March 20, 2016
Sunday
Dear Diary

I woke up smiling today. For the last 8 months, I have been confused about my gender identity. People judged me and thought I was weird. This did not make any difference. I was different from others. I have finally accepted this. I had a few friends that supported me and were there when I most needed them. I was blessed with a sister like Sarah. The most important thing was that I loved myself and was proud of who I was. If people did not like this, then that was their problem.

It was hard being in Church. Dad still stayed at home, It was hard for me to sit and watch the choir sing. They got their wish that I would no longer be in the choir. I was so sad when it happened but now I decided to be positive in life. When one door is closed, another door is opened. I may not be able to sing in the choir anymore, but this must have meant that other things were waiting for me,

I was speaking with Andrew after church. He was happy that I was once again positive and smiling. When Andrew told me that I was an expert in feeling sorry for myself and being the victim, I could see his point. I gave him a hug for being such a good friend. It did not bother me who saw me hugging him. It did bother granny. She told me that she was sure that he was "one of those homosexuals" and he was a bad friend to have. I just shrugged my shoulder at her comments. What did she know about having friends? Even her daughters did not like her.

March 21, 2016
Monday
Dear Diary

Annie told me she wanted to speak with me today. She had tears in her eyes as she said, "I have been a bad friend to you. I have treated you as a baby and I have embarrassed you so many times. I was jealous of how close you were to Bella. I was confused and did not know how to be a girlfriend. I treated you like a baby doll because I thought that this was what you wanted. I have no excuses for the way I acted. I do think you're brave and you are cute. You are nice. I do not care if you wear dresses or pants. What I am trying to say is that I am sorry for the way I have acted. I hope you can forgive me and we can be friends."

Annie was crying and I hate when people cry. I told Annie that I forgave her. To be honest, I did not know if I trusted her or not. This being said, everyone needs a second chance.

Aunty picked Sarah and me up from school. She wanted to give us a treat so we went to a cafe where we had some cake. While we were eating, we planned how we would do the talent show and what we would wear. Both Sarah and I were very excited about the show. Aunty told us not to worry about Granny. She was just a dominant and bitter old woman and hopefully would leave soon.

I was more worried about Dad.

March 22, 2016
Tuesday
Dear Diary

I looked in the mirror today. While the other boys at school were getting taller and stronger, I was not growing at all. It was hard to believe that I was 13. I looked like a ten-year-old. There were no signs of any muscles in my body. I knew that this was because of the mad doctor and what she did with me months ago. I just wondered if I would ever grow or if would I look like a small child for the rest of my life.

The new teacher wanted to speak with me after school. She knew that I felt like a boy and a girl and this made me genderfluid. She also knew that I was being bullied.

"I do not understand why," she explained, "I suppose some people feel uncomfortable when someone is different. They feel that in some way that a person with gender identity problems is being abused or has no boundaries. They do not understand how hard this is for you. You have to understand and accept the way you feel. I just want you to know that I will not judge you. I will treat you like any other student here. I will also respect that you are genderfluid. You can also come to me if you need someone to speak with."