Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

April 24-April 30, 2016

April 24, 2016
Sunday
Dear Diary

Granny told me that she wanted me to tell Father Immer that I would rejoin the choir. She said that we should always do what a priest asked and besides that, God gave me the gift of a beautiful voice that has not broken yet. It was embarrassing when she talked about my voice not breaking. Most of the boys my age have experienced this. It just reminded me that I was 13 but still looked and sounded like a small boy. That crazy doctor and what she has done to me would haunt me for the rest of my life.

I visited Bella after Church. I only saw her once a week when she was home. She asked me if I did speak with Father Immer. I told her no. I was tired of people telling me what to do. I just wanted to hide in my bedroom all the time. I would be happy if I have seen no one except Sarah, Andrew, Annie and of course Bella. This made Bella and she admitted that she missed me when she was away at school. She wished that I could be at her school.

When I was home, Sarah told me she wanted to do another video. The last one was a huge success. She did not care that Granny told her she was not allowed.

April 25, 2016
Monday
Dear Diary

Annie told me that she was brave enough to tell me what she had been wanting to tell me for weeks. She took a deep breath and asked me did I remember the time she dressed me up and put me in diapers. I smiled and said it was a bit hard to forget. Then Annie said, "It's strange you never thought of where the diapers came from. The truth is I may be popular at school, but if people knew my secret, my life would be hell." Annie told me that she wet the bed and needed diapers. She always hoped it would get better when she became a teen, but it was still a problem. I thanked Annie for telling me all this and it did not change how I viewed her as a person.

This is not true. It explained why Annie always wanted me in a diaper. She did not feel alone when I was in diapers. This made me think that she was not evil and did not want me as a doll when she dressed me as a baby girl. Annie thought it was something that we had in common. It also makes me think that no one is perfect. There is no such thing as being normal. We are all different with different feelings, talents and problems.

I helped Sarah do her new video. She decided to do a Taylor Swift song. I always was told that I was a good singer, but Sarah really has talent and it's obvious she has fun singing and doing these videos.

April 26, 2016
Tuesday
Dear Diary

Today Noah punched me in the stomach. Besides this hurt, it is like a nightmare as it's hard to breathe for a while. Noah shouted that I was a sissy pretending to be a boy. I corrupted others into being sissies, gay and babies. He even said I must be Satan's son that was sent to the school to corrupt everyone. Noah could be strange. I was not corrupting anyone. Everyone at school hates me and kept their distance from me. I admit that I have identity problems, but this only hurts myself and my reputation. Why can Noah not see that being a bully is far worse? He uses violence to lash out at people. It shows how dark his soul is and it's him that has problems!

Billy tried to visit us today however Granny did not allow him in. She told him that he was a bad influence on Sarah and me and was a bad person. She did not want him to visit us again. This made me sad. Billy did make a mistake that time he took drugs. However, he sorted his life out and was no longer as grumpy as he once was. Why would Granny want to disown him? Did she not remember our mom's wishes that we would be a family that loved each other and supported each other?

Was Granny getting rid of everyone that challenged her? Aunty was gone, Dad was in some padded room and now Billy was no longer allowed to visit. Did Granny want full control of Sarah and me?