Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

December 27, 2015 - January 2, 2016

December 27, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

Christmas is over, and to be honest, it was not the best Christmas. Bella no longer wanted to be friends and Dad left us. Mom put on a strange face and tried to make Christmas as fun as possible. The truth was that she was very sad about him leaving. Moms only wish was that we had a perfect family like the ones on old TV shows. Reality has given her a son that used drugs. A son that was genderfluid, and a dad who would not accept it.

I felt like it was all my fault. I could have helped Bella and I could have been what Dad wanted me to be. It seemed too late. Bella hated me and Dad has left. Being a teenager is hard. I may have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life!

Bella was ignoring me after Church. I tried telling her a joke, but she told me to leave her alone. This made me sort of mad. Did we just not talk about forgiveness in church. I did what any teenager would do. I tried to make Annie jealous by flirting with Annie. I do not know how much this worked, as Annie was more interested in telling her friends how much she must help me.

I left Annie and her friends and waited by the car. I do not think that Annie ever noticed I was gone. Father Immy must have seen me alone and came to me to try and cheer me up by saying that Christmas is a happy time of the year. I shouted so everyone could hear by asking how could I be happy. My friend hates me and my dad left because he did not accept I was genderfluid. There was a sudden silence after this as everyone had their thoughts regarding what I just admitted.

December 28, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

Today Billy was at court because he was arrested for using drugs. He was given a fine and community service. Still, he now had a criminal record. It beats that he did not have to go to prison.

In the afternoon, mom came to my bedroom with warm chocolate. I knew what this meant. I have done something wrong. She wanted to talk about the day that I came home in a dress. She thought that we agreed that we agreed to keep it at home and Bellas house. I told her that it was Annie that dressed me that way. She just liked me in a dress and diaper. Mom sighed and asked me does this not remind me of the way Aunty treated me during the summer. Mom knew that I loved Annie, however... Did Annie love me or was she manipulating me? Was I more like a living doll for her?

There was the word again. Doll! Everyone was saying that I was her doll.

I sent Annie a text asking if she loved me.

December 29, 2015
Tuesday
Dear Diary

Christmas holidays is a time to sleep late. I did not get a chance today. Bella's granny knocked at our door very early and asked if Bella was here. When Mom said no, then her granny said that Bella had run away. Mom told the old woman that she should sit down and have some tea and we should contact the police. Bellas granny was now upset and pointed her finger at me telling me this was all my fault. Then she said that mom would understand that she could no longer take care of us after school.

When Bellas granny went, I hid in my room. She was right. It was my fault. I was not a friend when Bella needed the one the most. When I was being bullied and teased, she was always by my side. When I was confused about what my identity was, she was by my side.

It can only be concluded, I am not a good son as dad left. I am not a good friend because I did not support Bella. Now both have run away.

I am also a bad boyfriend as Annie sent back a message asking how could I ask if she loved me.

December 30, 2015
Wednesday
Dear Diary

Billy was happy today. He found a new place to live. He would be moving in a month. He also found a job at Pizza Hut! Another person was leaving me and wanting to be as far away as possible.