Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

November 29 - December 5, 2015

November 29, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

Everyone noticed my earrings. At choir, some even asked if it meant that I was gay because both ears were pierced. Noah set the tune when he said it was a thing that all sissies do. I shouldn't have considered this an insult. I have admitted that I was a sissy before, but when Noah called me a sissy it was so negative.

I was not so sure about getting my ears pierced. I thought they were pretty and I look forward to buying nice earrings. I could not understand why I let Annie put me in a diaper and even be in public with it. I could not understand why she had such power over me. It should have been me that decided to get my ears pierced. I suppose it would have happened at some stage. The question was if I was becoming submissive. Could I ever say no to Annie? Did I still hope that she would love me?

Dad was very mad at me. He told me that he thought that we had an understanding that I was to be the teenage boy that God intended me to be. He could not deal with a son that wanted to be a girl. When Dad told me that he was ashamed of me, I lost my temper and told him that I hated him. This stunned him and I stormed to my bedroom and hid.

My life was in a mess. Dad was ashamed of me, and most likely did not love me. Annie didn't care about me and treated me like her own doll that she could dress up. I haven't met Bella and Andrew in our secret hiding place for a month because I was sure that Andrew fancied me and I did not know what to say. Could things get any worse?

November 30, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

My problems do not even compare with the problems that mother Earth has. All the nations have met in Paris where they are discussing how the climate will change. I don't understand a lot about it, except that the world will be getting warmer and warmer and there will more natural catastrophes if we do not reduce the greenhouse gas emissions that we spit into the air. Decades of overproduction and using things that destroy the earth has caused it. Just typical. Parents screw our lives in every way they can!

Miss Appleby frowned when she has seen the earring studs and told me that I was a disgrace while Bellas grandmother thought they looked very pretty. Bella was not in a good mood as she was teased a lot at school, more than usual. She did warn me about Annie and told me that Annie did not love me.

When we came home, Billy had an announcement to make. He was in drug addict counselling, not because he was a drug addict, but he reckoned that if he could use them once, he could use them again. He also decided that it was time that he would leave home and find someplace where he could live. That meant that he also wanted a job. I thought he had a lot of courage and yet it was sad that Billy would no longer live here.

I told Billy that I would miss him. He retorted by asking how did I have the energy to think of others, as it seemed I only thought of myself. I did not respond but noticed that Dad nodded his head.

December 1, 2015
Tuesday
Dear Diary

Christmas month! The countdown continues.

I had no school today. Mom took me to a specialist doctor. Mom gave her the music that I listened to, the vitamin pills and other medical records. I was tested over and over again. I hate needles and I hate people prodding my body. The doctor was a nice woman that smiled a lot. Her name was Dr Mary

When she finished testing me, she asked me if I considered myself transgender? Did I think I had the wrong body? I told her that I considered myself a sissy. I liked being a boy but also liked dressing as a girl. I liked doing boy things but also playing with a doll or some girl activity. I told her that my Dad could not accept this. He did not know that I dressed as a girl when I was at Bella's house. As I finished telling my story, I made sure that I was not gay and that I loved Annie.