Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

November 15-21, 2015

November 15, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

Billy was arrested for using drugs. This of course shocked the family. We all now had to cope with the fact that Billy was a drug addict. He was allowed home but had to appear at court in the future. The problem was that Billy was 19 and would be tried as an adult. He could be in jail for a long time! When Billy did come home, he went to his bedroom and shouted that he did not want to speak with anyone. A few hours, he shouted that he was not a drug addict.

Everyone in the choir knew. Besides Noah teasing me that my voice was not broken and my hair was in a ponytail. Now Noah teased that my family were convicts and drug addicts. He even joked that I was on drugs that were making me smaller and a girl. It was hard to concentrate on singing, as I wondered if it was right what mom said, that I was becoming smaller. What were the tablets I got every day and the injections from the doctor?

Father Immer told me that he had to speak with me after. He told me that he heard about Billy and wanted me to stay strong. I broke down into tears and told him everything was my fault. God made me a boy and I liked dressing as a girl and doing girl things. God must have hated me and blamed me for everything that happened in the family. Father Immer rubbed his chin and told me that God loves me. What Billy has done was his responsibility and not my fault. He agreed that I was very girly at times but reminded me the clothes that I wore did not define who I was. God was more interested in my heart and my personality.

At least he did not say I was going to hell. That afternoon I googled about drugs and being a drug addict and the consequences. I decided that it did not look like a good life and I would always say no to drugs.

November 16, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

Today, we did not go to Bella's house after school. Mom said that we needed to have a family meeting.

She started by saying that the family was in a crisis. We all had problems and this had been causing chaos in the family. There was only one solution, and that was for the family to understand each other and support each other. She asked us to think that if there was no love, then what did we have?

Mom started with herself. She admitted that the problems she had with my aunt were consuming her. She did not understand why her sister would try and kill her. Mom also agreed that she has not been the best mother. She was passive at times and very unsure what to do. Mom's confession bought tears to all of us. We told her that we loved her.

Then mom told us all to think about Sarah. She was only 10 years old and she had to deal with family members that had several problems. This could not be easy for a young girl. Mom reminded us that Sarah needed to know that we loved her and had time for her, despite the problems that we had. She promised Sarah that she would do her part by having special mother and daughter days.

Then mom looked at Billy and informed us that Billy was just like Sarah. He was now 19 and this was a hard time for him. Mom had a long talk with Billy and they agreed he would get help to keep away from drugs. Mom did not believe he was an addict, as he only tried them once. She explained that Billy thought that all the attention was about me and he had no one to go to about his problems. I felt sorry for Billy.

I gulped when mom said it was my turn. She told me that she did not care if I was a boy or sissy or transgendered. She reminded me that I will always feel loved and safe at home. She was worried that I would be teased by the school. However, the world does not revolve around me. I had to understand that others had problems. I needed to find my identity and be happy!

Then she looked at Dad and told him to stop being so old-fashioned and childish. She told him that we need a father, not someone who ignores us or gets mad all the time. She warned dad to accept our good sides and bad sides.