Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

October 4 - 10, 2015

October 4, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

Today Dad said something strange on the way to Church. He said my voice would break and this would solve any insecurity I had. Then he looked at mom and said in a very loud voice it would also stop other people from having strange ideas about who I was. I looked out of the window and said nothing. Sarah took my hand and held it. I think it was her way of supporting me. Mom said that Dad should be more modern. She knew I was a boy and she knew that I was confused. Mom told Dad that the books said parents should be tolerant and let boys explore their feminine side.

Luckily, Billy asked everyone to change the subject and pretend we were a normal family.

It was also strange when I was singing in the choir. I suddenly felt like that I should not be in a church, I stole a cell phone yesterday, It happened when I was not thinking right and I was sorry that I stole it straight away. I was now a sinner and this meant that I would probably end up in hell. I knew that I should confess or do something. I just did not know what to do.

The USA bombed a hospital today. I think it was in Afghanistan. The world is screwed up. Innocent people do understand politics, and yet they die for it.

October 5, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

I could not sleep very well. I dreamt that the police raided the house and arrested me for stealing the phone. They put me in a dungeon at a huge castle and thrown away the key. There was a dragon on a leash in the corner and he looked quite hungry. This was the fate of someone that stole a telephone. I would be eaten by some dragon.

School went fine, I was teased like I usually was. I tried to be cool and show them my new cell phone. If I was to have nightmares about it, I must also get some benefit from it. If I was going to hell, I had to let people think I was cool. Most just shrugged their shoulders. Others were a bit impressed. Bella did not know what to say except how did I suddenly get something that I spent ages wishing for.

Bella's grandmother noticed that I was not happy. She told me that we needed to speak. She just sat and looked at me. Granny didn't even ask a question and I just broke into tears and told her I was a criminal. Granny said she would tell no one. I had to listen to my guardian angel on what I should do. Then she told me I was too much of a boy and she thought that boys were generally brats. She told me in the olden days, boys were punished by making them wear petticoats and sometimes even tried treating them like a baby. My reaction was to say that this was child abuse. Granny did not listen. She was thinking about the good old days.

On my way home, I thought if Bella was being punished.

October 6, 2015
Tuesday
Dear Diary

Today was a great day! Despite that, I woke up after dreaming I was going to hell. Everything else was perfect.

Mr. Lewis rang and said the first photoshoot will be this weekend. It would be in his basement. Mom insisted that she would be present, as she read so many stories on Hollywood abusing children. I did not mind that mom would come. I think I would have been very nervous if it was by myself. I wondered what it would be like to be a model. It would replace the picture of me that was in the newspaper that time of me wearing a dress.

A pack also came for me. It was from Alberto, the boy that I met in Greece. It was the teddy bear that he gave me and I forgot about it in Greece. Alberto wrote that he missed me. He hoped that we would meet one day. He did not care if I wore a dress. He wrote that he liked my personality and what was in my soul. He could only imagine that people around me could not understand and asked If I was bullied? He finished by saying the important part of being a teen is not trying to be cool, but finding out who one is and being happy.