Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

May 15- 21, 2016

May 15, 2016
Sunday
Dear Diary

Today was a strange day. I thought I would never see it coming. At Church, Noah was sitting in the pews and not in the choir. After Church, Annie told me that Father Immer kicked him out of the choir. I could guess why Father Immer did this. Noah is an evil person that enjoys hurting others. He has a rotten heart and this ends up destroying other's lives. Besides all this, he could not sing. He sounds like a vacuum cleaner full of coal.

This could also be Fr. Immer's way of getting me back in the choir. Annie did tell me the choir was not as good as when I was in it. I tried to be humble when she said this, but it did make me feel happy that I was still needed. I still did not answer if I was coming back to the choir. The reason I did not answer is that I was simply not feeling so happy with life now. I also did not want to do everything that Granny wanted me to do.

Sarah and I visited Dad in the afternoon. He seemed as if he was much better than he was before. He talked a lot about his treatments and how nice the place was. It was a relief that Dad was getting the help that he needed. We needed him, but I could see that he needed someone to help him.

Dad did tell me that I looked different. "You look like me when I look in the mirror," he said, "You don't smile and your eyes are blank. I hope you have not given up. I hope you are not defeated by the world."
Dad was worried about me, despite what he said was confusing. I was not defeated. Still, it showed that he still loved me and was starting to notice me again.

When we came home, Granny was mad that we visited Dad.

May 16, 2016
Monday
Dear Diary

After School, my teacher visited us to tutor me. We were in the sitting room as she started explaining and teaching. I still do not think that I needed tutoring, but it was nice getting help with my homework and it took my mind off of things. Granny was being very nice and I suspect that this was to show my teacher how great she was and how much we needed her. She tried to get my teacher on her side by telling her how bad and misguided Sarah and I were. This made me want to stick my middle finger at Granny, but I managed to keep calm.

When my Granny went into the kitchen, my teacher told me she did not care if I was in my girl mode or boy mode. This did not make me a good person or a bad person. What mattered is what was in my heart and how I treated others. She also told me that it was also very important how I treated myself. "How can you treat others in a good way when you forget yourself." This gave me something to think about.

Later, Sarah and I talked. We would stop our boycott of Granny. Our new plan was to be the best angels that we could be for her. We would do what she wanted and be what she wanted. We thought this would make Granny think that her plan to "reform" us worked and she wouldn't be such a tyrant and make our lives hell. We realized that Granny was not going anywhere and we didn't know if Dad was coming back.

May 17, 2016
Tuesday
Dear Diary

Andrew and I had a serious talk today. We admitted that we missed each other as friends. I also admitted that while the kiss was nice, I had conflicting feelings. I did not think that I was gay. This made Andrew laugh as he said we both knew who I fancied. He also suggested that I could be bisexual. This made me think and he could be right. I told him that time would tell if I was or not and I still had a lot of time to discover my sexual identity.

The important thing was that Andrew and I decided that we should be friends and in a way a good friendship was better than if we were romantic partners. I felt good after our little talk. At least something in my life was sorted. I suppose this could mean that the other million problems I had would be sorted.