Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

April 17-April 23, 2016

April 17 2016
Sunday
Dear Diary

We went to church today. Father Immer was talking about sin and how we were all sinners and bad people and were doomed to eternity in hell. This got me thinking that why would God throw us in a hot burning hell for eternity for some mistakes we made in a short lifetime? After mass, Granny whispered in my ear that now I understand why she is trying to save my soul. I did not know how to respond.

Father Immer wanted to speak with me. He asked me if I wanted to be in the choir again. Granny had a big smile on her face. I told him that I had to think about it.

At home, I hid in my bedroom. I did not want anyone to see me. In fact, I would spend the rest of my life as a hermit. Then I just could be myself and not hear what people think I should wear and act. I would not be judged. I would not be confused. The fact is that I now have listened to Granny. I could see that she could be right when she said life would be so much easier if I acted like a normal teen boy. Then people would not think that I was weird and a sinner. She must be right. I was invited back to the choir.

April 18 2016
Monday
Dear Diary

After school. I asked Granny if I can visit Dad. Granny got upset about this and said that she did not think that would be wise. She did not think that Sarah or I needed Dad in our lives. Then she went on a rant about how our Dad was the worse Dad ever and could not even raise three children. She never did like him and did not like when he got married to our Mom. Then she smiled and said not to worry, as she has started the process to get custody of us.

I started to write a letter to Alberto who is the boy that I met in Greece. I was writing about everything that has been happening. I was afraid he would be confused. I dressed like a girl and then I didn't and then I did and now I don't. I also did my best to write that I was happy.

Sarah came to me and told me that she misses Dad. She knew that he was sad and had problems. She just felt as if Granny did not love us. I tried telling Sarah that Granny does care. This made Sarah roll her eyes and say, " A few weeks ago, you hated her and now you think she is so great. Granny has you under her spell."

April 19 2016
Tuesday
Dear Diary

Annie told me she wanted to speak with me today. She told me that she wanted to be honest. There was little time to do this as Noah and the others were bugging me and doing their best to make me cry. When we did get some time together, she was silent for some time and then said that she was not ready to tell me this. I hate when people do this. They tell you that they want to say something and then they do not. This means I have to wait for ages for her to tell me and until then guess what she wants to tell me.

When I was home, Sarah asked me if she could practice on my hair. She wanted to be a hairdresser and needed hair to practice on. I figured that this would cheer her up. So for the next hour, she put every girl thing in my hair she could find and despite it was no longer as it once was, she managed to put it in a nice style. When I looked in the mirror, I could see it was very girly. I must admit that it did look pretty. We heard a gasp. Granny was standing at the door. She told me that we would have a talk later about this. It happened again. Someone told me I would have to wait and guess what would be said until then.

April 20 2016
Wednesday
Dear Diary

I could not concentrate during class. I thought about if Sarah had a motive for making my hair look girly. I think the answer is clear. She thought that somehow Granny put a spell on me and that I would do anything Granny wanted. I could understand why she thought this. The problem was that Sarah did not know that Granny blackmailed me and I could understand why Granny wanted me to be normal. At the same time, Sarah just wanted to remind me that I was once happy being a boy or a girl. This made me smile. Sarah just wanted me to be happy.