Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

November 22-28, 2015

November 22, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

At Church, I wanted to tell everyone that I was auditioning for a Netflix series. Maybe they would not tease me or look at me as if I was strange. I decided that this would be a bad thing to do, as I most likely would not get the part and this would give them an excuse for making my life worse. It was hard to concentrate in the choir because I was imagining what it would like to be famous. I was teased a lot now and had very few friends. Would this be worse when the whole world knew me? What would people across the country say when they knew I liked dressing as a girl and acting like a girl?

Dad was also being weird today. In the afternoon he said he wanted to search my room for drugs. He reasoned that my identity crises could have been a result of being a drug addict. I did not get mad as I had nothing to hide in my room. Dad was becoming more and more frustrated as he couldn't find anything. I just sat on my bed as he looked in every corner. Billy walked by and said it was strange that Dad was looking for drugs, and yet he did not mind that mom was giving me a tablet every day and that the doctor gave me injections.

Did Billy hate me or was he worried about me?

November 23, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

Once again, I woke up with pains and voices in my head.

Annie asked me if I would visit her house on Saturday. I said, of course, I would visit her. Then she ignored me for the rest of the day. I do not know why I had such a crush on Annie and I was confused about what she felt about me. I suppose men have never understood girls, so why should it be different with me?

Miss Appleby wanted to speak with me after class. She wanted to know why I was being teased and why I seemed so confused. I explained that I considered myself a sissy and this meant I liked dressing as a girl and doing the same things that girls do. Miss Appleby was an old woman and this was obvious because she could not understand. She warned me that I was going against Gods plan for me as a boy and I was letting the liberal media influence me. She said that I would have a very bad life and never accepted by others. She finished by sighing that I had so much potential. I looked at her and thought she looked like an old man. Should I even take her seriously?

After school Mom took me to a hairdresser. My hair was now down to my shoulder blades. The hairdresser was an old woman, and she kept on saying that she thought I was a girl and could understand that I wanted to get it cut. It was strange every time she clipped it off. I looked in the mirror as I saw myself change. In the end, it was a page boy hairstyle. I quite liked it. It was not short or long.

When Dad saw it, he was not impressed.

November 24, 2015
Tuesday
Dear Diary

Turkey shot down a Russian jet today. Both countries are mad at each other. This made me think about what the world would be like if there was a war. If I was a soldier, I would find it hard to kill another person. I never understood the concept of war. A country can invade another country, but they could never invade the people's hearts or loyalty. There was never a winner of a war. It just brings death and unhappiness and fear. I hoped Russia would not go to war over a jet.

Everyone at school noticed that I cut my hair. They teased and said a page style was so old fashioned and it still made me look like a girl. Annie just smiled when she saw it and told me that I looked more like a toddler. I think she meant this as a compliment. I was confused why she would even consider this a compliment. I had to tell mom that I needed clothes for someone my age.

Bella's grandmother thought the hair was cute. However, she preferred it longer. She found a denim dress and Bella, Sarah and I spent the afternoon drawing.