Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

May 22- 28, 2016

May 22, 2016
Sunday
Dear Diary

I was now done trying to please Granny and acting like her little angel. She promised that she would not send Sarah away if I started acting like a boy. I did everything that Granny wanted. This only made me miserable. I have not been happy for a long time.

In a way, I was mad at myself. I believed that there could be some good in a person and believed at times that Granny was being nice to me. Everyone around me told me that she was manipulating me and trying to make me believe that being feminine was bad and a sin. She was confusing me into believing that I was corrupted and misled. I could not see that not being able to express my identity made me unhappy and just wanted to hide from society and life.

Granny is supposed to be a role model. What sort of role model manipulates others, lies and deceives? Granny made a promise she did not keep. She tried to destroy my spirit and nearly succeeded. If Granny loved us, she would love the way we were and not try to change us. She would not make us go to sleep with tears in our eyes.

I would now take control back in my life, I did not know how I would do this. All I knew is that I would no longer trust Granny or try to please her. She no longer had any power over me.

The first thing I did was at Church. We were all standing outside the church when I went up to Noah and told him, "I know that you are a bully. You have bullied me a lot over the years. I think you must be so sad. You must have some problems and this makes you want to hurt others. I just want you to know that I have prayed for you and I forgive you for everything you've done to me."

Everyone looked at me when I said this. Noah grumbled something that I was weird. Annie asked me did I think that forgiveness would stop him. Granny told me that she was proud of me. I glared at Granny and told her that I also prayed for her that her stone heart would be cured. This made Granny lose her temper with everyone watching. I was smiling.

May 23, 2016
Monday
Dear Diary

Noah did not bully me today. I now believe in miracles.

After school, my teacher came to our house to tutor me. Granny was once again trying to be nice. I think that the teacher could see through the act. She told Granny that she thought it was a mistake to send me to a military school and Sarah to a boarding school. If Granny wanted to send us away, she should consider the school where Bella went. The school accepted students that would be bullied at a normal public school. These included transgenders, students with weight problems, bladder problems and whatnot. It would be a place where Sarah and I would be accepted and have friends. My teacher thought we would be happy there.

Granny replied that she would not send us to a school that supported our wicked ways. She thought Bellas school was most likely run by communist and socialist liberalists that had no fear of God. She wanted to send us to a school that would not corrupt us further. The boarding school and military school would sort us out.

My teacher asked Granny if she respected us or wanted us to be happy.

Granny did not answer.

May 23, 2016
Tuesday
Dear Diary

When I came home from school. I decided to make a video for my youtube channel. Let me write to you what I decided to tell the world.

"I have something to tell the whole world. I was born a boy and for the first 13 years of my life, I was happy being a boy. A year ago I forgot my clothes when we went to Greece and wore my sister's clothes. There was a picture of me as a girl in the newspaper. My aunt sent me to some crazy doctor that gave me medicine that I would always be small and she screwed with my mind so that I started thinking it's okay to be a girl.