Don't Die - Levi x Reader {Book 1}

Chapter 36

"He was my best friend."

(Y/N) felt like she was shaking, though her hand appeared alarmingly steady. On the inside, she was losing it but on the outside, she was calm. That was fine. As long as she could get the words out.

"Well, him and my roommate, Tika. We all met in the Training Corps. They were family to me."

(Y/N) glanced at Levi's expression. Neutral, as always. She went on.

"Those three years of training were the happiest of my life. I'd found something I was good at and for the first time, I'd found people who cared about me."

(Y/N) sighed. She hadn't thought about her time in the Training Corps for quite a while. Usually, it was overshadowed by the pain of grief.

"But I had my heart set on joining the Scouts."

(Y/N) felt herself choke a bit but she pushed on.

"They were both good soldiers and I thought that they'd end up with the Military Police. I thought they'd choose to be safe in the interior."

(Y/N) paused again. It was going to take a while to get to the end of her story.

"But when the choosing ceremony came, they didn't step forward. I was horrified. The chance to join the Garrison had already passed and if they weren't going to go with the MPs... that meant they were joining the Scouts."

Another deep breath.

"When I asked them why, they told me I'd inspired them."

(Y/N) scoffed at the memory. It was the part of this story that hurt her the most. Knowing that she had been the one to lead her friends to their deaths was crippling. It was what kept the wound open and festering.

"I think I knew that day that I would lose them, but I refused to admit it. I told them I would protect them, that I was strong enough for all of us. They believed me."

(Y/N) bit her lip, holding back the tears that were beginning to creep up.

"All three of us were placed on Flagon's squad. We did well. I was hopeful. I thought that we might actually make it."

She dared to peek at Levi's expression. It was still unreadable but she thought she could see the interest in his eyes. He was listening.

"The expedition came so quickly. Before I knew it, we were at the gate."

Levi's hand found hers and squeezed. He could guess what was going to happen next.

"I remember looking at the sky. It was so... blue. Everything was so open, so free. It was everything I'd hoped it would be."

(Y/N) shook her head, clearing her mind.

"But things went wrong fast. We saw our first Titan. I insisted on killing it and I ended up straying too far from the group."

(Y/N) clutched at Levi's hand. This was the part that haunted her. The moment that refused her sleep, that rotted away her soul, that wounded her forever.

"I took it down but I was too slow. When I got back..."

(Y/N)'s face crumpled in horror. A silent tear leaked from her eyes and she internally reprimanded herself. Only when Levi's arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her close, did she finally find the strength to continue.

"Th-there was... a horde."

A few shuddering breaths.

"I-I... watched them d-die."