"That one afternoon, I kissed you. In the middle of the street, where a white truck zoomed past our connected lips. And boy, it caused problems we couldn't have seen, but wasn't it also amazing?"
...
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I was physically breaking inch by inch. I could feel the puffy bags beneath my eyes, the blurry vision from lack of sleep, and every once and a while, I felt like I would topple over with the push of the wind. Mentally, I felt trapped. With so many things going on around me it was like I was shutting down yet trying to function.
Everything was crumbling apart just as I expected but refused to believe.
I was foolish to ever think that I could be different. Different from any other woman on the street and especially different from my mother. I was stupid to believe that I could ever be nothing like her because, in the end, I found out that I was becoming her. Every woman ended up like her and I was the same.
To think that I would miraculously live a life like the one before was foolish. I was too tired to fight with myself anymore so I decided last night when the clock was nearing four in the morning, that I would stop. Stop trying to be different than my mother, stop trying to spread myself thin, and stop trying to act like I wasn't lost. My mind was out of control and now I was left trying to figure out how I could possibly glue it back together.
At work, I leaned against the glass counter in front of me and took one of the longest blinks of the day. I straightened up and tried to rub the fatigue from my eyes but all I did was stumble more.
"Paislee?"
I looked up abruptly to see Diana, staring as if she had been studying me for a long time. I smiled and clenched my first where she couldn't see them.
"Let's go to the back, sweetheart. You look like you're about to drop," Diana said.
"No, I'm fine. You caught me in a dizzy spell—I mean I'm not dizzy but I just yawned and you know—"
"Come to the back. . . Please."
We walked to the back of the store where Diana ushered me to take a seat. When my body touched the chair, I immediately released a huge sigh which made Diana chuckle shortly. I tried to smile at her though I was too tired to even put up an energized face.
"Everything alright?" Diana asked, leaning over to give me a cup of water.
"Yeah, just tired. I've been getting zero sleep these past few days. Just. . . Thinking," I said with a tight-lipped smile.
"Hm, thinking or stressing about something?"
"Both?" I sipped my water slowly thinking about how I was getting off in a few hours. I was already dreading getting home. "A lot on my plate right now."
