✨ 𝕄𝕪 𝕄𝕦𝕤𝕖 ✨

38: Bad Kind Of Butterflies ⚠️

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse, bruises⚠️

The rest of the night was a lot of fun. We were all talking and laughing half the night. Daniel and I also talked a bit and it was nice. I shouldn't, but I can't help being attracted to him. He was the only man who ever truly made me feel beautiful. It's not like I was going to act on my emotions. I would never do that. But I still had feelings for him. I might even still love him and that scared me. It was getting pretty late Arvin and I went home. The whole drive home, I couldn't stop thinking about Daniel and Franny. We got home before Hailey and Jack did so we went to bed. Once again I layed down and couldn't fall asleep. I looked to the side and saw Arvin fast asleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Daniel and I hated it. He wouldn't leave my head. I got up and went downstairs because I had some inspiration for a song. I sat down by the piano we had downstairs and took a deep breath as I hit record on voice memos. I started to play and the lyrics flowed out of me like a river.

"Come here and sit next to me. Don't look at me while I'm breaking. After what I'm gonna say, I understand if you hate me"

I thought of Arvin somehow finding out how I've been feeling. Or me having to tell him. I'm so terrified that he'll hurt me again but I can't leave him.

"What do I do when I love you and want somebody else? What do I lose if I don't choose and keep it to myself?"

Should I just keep this to myself or tell someone? I'm not sure anymore. I hated bottling up my emotions but Arvin can't find out or he'll freak out.

"I got bad, bad, bad kind of butterflies. Like when you got something to hide. Lies, tellin' you that I'm alright, tonight, tonight. Bad, bad butterflies in my chest. There's something I gotta confess. Yes, somebody's stuck in my head and I, and I."

I felt so guilty. The butterflies I got tonight was crazy. I hated feeling this way. I didn't know I could want two people at once. I closed my eyes and sang to myself, while Arvin was upstairs sleeping. Hailey and Jack still weren't home yet and they probably wouldn't be for a little while.

"I know I said we were friends and when I said that I meant it. Swear I meant it. Somewhere between now and then, it became more than just a friendship."

The thought of Daniel and I becoming friends made me happy. But I couldn't stop thinking about him in a 'more than friends' way. He looked amazing. Hoping Arvin doesn't wake up, I start to sing the chorus again and don't hold back.

"Come here and sit next to me. You tell me, "Baby, just say it." Warnin' me, it's a mistake. I just know I gotta make it."

I should tell Arvin. But if I do he'll go crazy. I'm so torn. My wrist was still hurting from what he did and I don't think the bruise was going away anytime soon. I finished the song and hit some really high notes. I took a deep breath and stopped recording. That was a good way to let out my emotions. ⚠️"Baby?" I heard in a very stern and angry voice. My heart sank and my anxiety shot through the roof. How long was he listening? Did he get what I was saying? Were we about to fight? Was he going to hurt me again? I turned around in my seat to see a very angry Arvin. I look up at him terrified. "Who... who was that song about." He asked but I couldn't respond. "WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT SONG ABOUT!" He yelled really loud and I flinched a little. I didn't expect anything less. We were the only ones home. He wasn't going to hold back. I looked down and tears formed in my eyes. "Let me guess.. Daniel?" I looked up at him. He scoffed. "I knew going there was a bad idea." "You wouldn't have been able to do anything to stop me..." I said getting up and walking away. Before I could say anything else he came up to me and grabbed my wrist again. This time it felt worse because it was already bruised. I screamed in pain and he pushed me up to the wall. "Arvin please.. you're really hurting m- AHH" He tightened his grip and it really hurt. "I KNEW YOU STILL FUCKING LOVED HIM." He screamed in my face. I don't think i've ever been so scared in my life. "I DIDN'T SAY THAT." I cried and he rolled his eyes. "I-I WOULD NEVER ACT ON MY EMOTIONS ANYWAY! YOU KNOW I'M LOYAL RIGHT!?" His eyes widened and everything after that was a blur. The next second I felt a sting on my cheek and I was on the floor. I stopped crying and knelt there in shock as I rubbed my cheek with my hand. I was thinking about someone else. Maybe I deserve this. The front door opened and Jack and Hailey walked in laughing. They both stopped in their tracks as soon as they saw what was going on. I heard a ringing in my ear. Hailey quickly walked over and pulled Arvin away from me and slapped him in the face. "ARVIN ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?" Jack yelled. I felt my chest start to get heavy and my heart was beating really fast. Other than my sobbing the room was quiet. Jack pulled Arvin by his shirt towards the door but he pushed him off mid-way. "GET OUT!" I've never heard Jack yell like that in my life. It echoed throughout the house and it sent shivers down my spine. "FUCKING MAKE ME!" Jack punched him in the face. As if him getting slapped twice wasn't enough. He pushed him out the door and slammed it. It was silent for a few seconds before I completely collapsed and broke down. Hailey came up to my side and hugged me. I just sobbed into her shoulder and I felt Jack come and hug me. I had nothing to say. I can't believe this happened. All over a fucking song. I felt like an idiot. I trusted him again and he broke my heart all over again. This time even worse. Hailey went to grab my hand but she accidentally grabbed my wrist instead. I cried in pain and brought my wrist to my chest. "Oh my god!" I showed her and she got emotional. "You don't deserve this Brook.... I hope he gets run over." "BUB!" They both laughed a little. The three of us just sat on the floor hugging for while. I needed my best friends right now. I don't know what to do. I have to end it now. Right?

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