For now (a destiel fanfic)

chapter 2

Dean woke up the next morning with Cas still in his arms he smiled and kissed his forehead. He was genuinely scared to open his eyes, not wanting last night to have just been a dream. Cas opened his eyes and smiled at the green ones that met his "good morning" he smiled

Dean gave him a short kiss but somehow still sweet and full of love "good morning" Cas smiled but then thought of something and suddenly got serious. He looked into Deans eyes "Dean?" He saw how serious Cas was and immediately got worried "What's wrong?"

"I don't wish to ruin the mood, but i need to know. Was this a one time thing" he looked down a little, getting upset at the thought, Dean was pretty sure he had somehow managed to get even closer to him.

"Cas" Dean said, trying to get him to look up but he didn't "Castiel look at me" that got his attention, he hadn't used Cas' full name since they first met, before they became friends.

He looked back up to meet his eyes only to find them full of love and adoration "i told you yesterday that i love you, i haven't said that to anyone in years and thats because i never felt real love before. Don't get me wrong i loved Lisa but i dont know what it is but i feel like this is different. I feel this is stronger, I've never loved anyone the way i love you, so no it was not a one time thing, well i hope not at least"

Cas smiled bigger than ever before "Dean as an angel i never felt emotions, happiness, sadness, love. They were just concepts that i never understood, but when i met you all of that changed i remember you making me laugh, making me feel genuine happiness and more emotions than i thought possible. I didn't understand them all back then but now i see, the emotion i felt the most i could never put words to. It was love, you are the first person, the first being i have ever loved. You helped me feel something i never have before, i love you Dean"

Dean leaned in and kissed Cas again, not short like the last one but equally as full of love. Dean put his hand on the back of Cas' neck, pulling slightly at his hair and deepening the kiss.

They got as close as humanly possible, their kiss turning more passionate and aggressive, just when things were about to go further they were interrupted by a knock at Dean's door.

"Dean, you awake?" "Damn it Sammy" he whispered so that only Cas could hear him. He put his hand over Cas' mouth to make sure he didn't say anything "yeah, just give me a second" he slightly yelled so that his brother could hear him

"Cas you gotta hide, Sam can't see you in here" he just slightly nodded in agreement and hid behind the door where Sam couldn't see him. Dean put on a pair of sweatpants quickly and opened the door

"what's up Sammy?" "Why was your door locked?" "I enjoy my privacy, now was there something you wanted?" "Yeah, i was just gonna tell you that I'm going to see Eileen for a couple days, is that a hickey?"

(Ik she's not in the show yet at this point but i like her and its my story)

Dean's eyes went wide and so did Castiels, from behind the door "yeah, so, maybe i went out to a bar last night. Is there a problem with that?" "No i guess not" "good" "fine" "bitch" "jerk"

With that Sam smiled and started to walk away "hey" he turned around "yeah?" "How long exactly do you think you'll be gone?" "Um 3 maybe 4 days, why?" Dean smiled, happy to have some time alone with Cas "no reason, have fun"

Sam was a little suspicious of his brother but didn't ask any questions "alright I'm just gonna say bye to Cas and then I'm out" "NO!" Sam was more confused than ever now "why not?"

"Um we should probably let Cas sleep, after what happened yesterday he's really gonna need it" he nodded in understanding, thinking that his brother was probably right "alright i guess, just tell him i say bye and to rest so that he can get better" "i will don't worry" and with that Sam left, for real this time.

Dean waited until he knew that his brother was out of ear shot to finally close the door and look back at Cas. When he looked at him, he realized that there were tears in his eyes, he looked like he would start crying any second.

Worry quickly kicked in and Dean got closer, putting his hand on his cheek "what's wrong, are you okay?" Cas finally looked up at Dean and slowly pushed his hand off of his face, without a word he opened the door and left.

Dean chased after him right away, wanting to know what was wrong, he caught up to him and grabbed him by the arm to turn him around and face him. When he turned around he could see the tears on his face, Dean knew something was wrong if Cas was crying

"hey, hey, hey, it's okay talk to me please" he tried to touch his face again but Cas just backed away "why are you ashamed of me" Dean was a little taken aback by the comment and the anger and hurt it was laced with

"what are you talking about?" He looked up to meet his eyes and his sadness turned into more anger "when Sam knocked on the door you made me hide you said that he couldn't see me in there and you lied to him, so clearly you're ashamed to be with me. Well you don't have to worry about it anymore, you don't have anything to be ashamed of anymore"

And with that he walked away, but this time Dean didn't go after him. He could barely move, he was never ashamed of Cas he loved him. He didn't know if he could actually talk about the real reason he didn't say anything to Sam, he hasn't talked about the real reason since it happened he just pretended that it didn't happen.

He couldn't tell Cas that he was too scared to tell his little brother that he was bi was because the last time he told someone about it, let's just say that he learned his lesson that day.

Even if he knew that Sam would probably react nothing like their father did.

He couldn't take the chance so he just walked back to his room and sat on his bed. He put on his headphones and drowned out the world and the memories threatening to flood back in his mind.