For now (a destiel fanfic)

Chapter 9

A/N: Warning that there is mentions of previous abuse and extreme homophobia

Over the next few days Dean hadn't come out of his room for anything and whenever Sam would go in there and try to talk to him he would only say a few words, thanking him for bringing food that he never ate or asking for more beer when he ran out. They only had one full conversation and that was the next morning after Cas had left.

Sam came in holding the small box that Dean had left on the table the night before, he thought he should leave him alone for the night but he wanted to check on him in the morning. At first he just sat down next to him and comforted him but he was dying to ask, so he placed the box in front of Dean and finally said something "so...this" 

Dean stayed silent for a few seconds just holding the box before talking "yeah um, well i know we couldn't actually get married because well technically i'm legally dead-" and Cas legally doesn't exist he thought to himself "-but i wanted the rings because well i don't know i guess i just wanted people to know that we belonged to each other and no one else" Sam was shocked to say the least he never heard his brother talk like this about anyone which begs the question

"Then... what happened?" he took a deep breath, brought the box closer to him and just turned the other way not responding to his brother. Sam just sighed and left the room, the next few days were spent like that and whenever he went into Dean's room he realized that the bed hadn't been slept in and that there was a cover on the floor near the bed. 

He decided not to ask about it for now and just leave him alone but one day Sam came back from a run and went to the kitchen expecting it to be empty and silent since Kevin wasn't here right now but instead he found Dean up and cooking breakfast in his robe. "Dean?"

He turned around smiling "Sammy great, can u grab the plates i'm almost done with these" he said while gesturing to the pan, Sam was confused so he just nodded and went to grab the plates for his brother. He put them down on the counter and sat down at the table alone for a few minutes before Dean came with the plates full of food and a beer in his hands. "dude really it's like 9am" Sam said while nodding his head to the bottle.

He just shrugged and said "it's 10pm somewhere" Sam sighed at the phrase he hadn't heard in a long time and hoped he would never have to again "look Dean i'm happy you're out of bed but are you sure yo-" Dean cut him off by putting his hand up "don't" he put his fork down and took another sip of his beer "Sammy i got broken up with and it hurt like a bitch but i grieved, i got better and now i'm over it so please just don't okay. I'm fine"

He knew better than to try to argue with his extremely stubborn older brother "alright but if you need to talk" Dean nodded "what you mean my feelings?" he scoffed and finished his beer "i told you i'm fine and i'm not gonna sit here and talk about my feelings when i know that it won't change anything okay?" he got up and grabbed another beer bottle "i'm gonna go look for a case"

As if the universe was telling him "screw you" they didn't find a case for another two weeks and Dean needed a distraction right now, no matter how much he thought that he was hiding it from Sam he knew his older brother wasn't okay. He was drinking a lot more, he was being uncharacteristically quiet and there was something else that Sam was trying to ignore, Dean hadn't been sleeping in his room he was sleeping on the couch every night.

Sam noticed it after a while when he heard him scream after a nightmare and found him on the couch with his head in his hands mumbling but the only thing he got out of it was a broken "i wish you were here, i need you" that was three weeks ago and today he found him the same way in their motel room during a case, he came back from doing some research in the library and found him on his bed with his head in one hand and a drink in the other.