You will never be a real Koji

POKEMONOGATARI

A pok◯m◯n. A yellow pok◯m◯n. A shiny yellow pok◯m◯n. A shiny yellow pok◯m◯n that looks suspiciously like Karuizawa Kei. It squeals and says "mou!!!". It's super effective.

It crawled through the gates of the government Ivy Le8gue high school and slipped under the door of Ayanokoji's hostel room. He woke up in the middle of the night and saw a blonde ball of mess with a giant ponytail with a blue scrunchie and straight bangs with two longer sidelocks. He could not see clearly, so he went to on the light. It was surprising it looks so familiar, it resembled his girlfriend down to every detail. Except it was much smaller and a chibi version of her.

A/N: See Puchim◯s

"Tauwaa-"

"Hmm?"

"m-Muu... Umuuu! (Put me down!)"

He lifted her up to take a closer look.

*squirms*

Ayanokouji did not say a thing. He was quietly thinking whether the puchimon was actually his girlfriend, Kei or just an imitation or lookalike.

*squirms*

"Okay, that's enough. Here have something to eat."

He gave the puchimon some leftover crumbs from dinner to distract it.

*nomnomnom*

"Mou..."

It let out an audible sigh. Maybe it was thirsty? Or perhaps it saw the look of Ayanokouji's face. It must be suspicious thoughts.

'I have to pass this to Amasawa someday, she left something here...'

"Uuu..."

"Mouu!"

The creature pouted. It squeezed out of the gap between the door and floor and rushed to someone else's room and squeezed in. The room was like any otaku's room, for example there would be a few tissues and floor cleaned every other day. The computer was still on with the screen of a hentai manga. But something else almost gave away who the room belonged to. Who would own an arsenal of pencil lead boxes of different colored lead? Is this the room of a Mo◯ogatari character? Man, that's suspicious. The p◯ke◯on crept silently to pick 99 boxes of lead and squeezed out of the door crack. It also went to some other student's dorms on different floors to take various different stationery. It ran back to Ayanokoji's room and started drumming his head with the lead box.

"Mouu!!! Cheat! Cheat! (Cheater! Cheater!)"

"Huh?"

"Cheat Cheat! Cheaty! Cheaty! (What did you do when Amasawa was in your room yesterday?)"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

'Cute,' he thought. He started poking its cheeks to test its elasticity.

"Muu...! (Liar!)"

It squirmed again, but it was a cute sight to watch. It brought a normal-sized mechanical pencil as if it was a shortstaff. It even knew how to replace the pencil lead!

"Kyaa!"

It did a somersault and charged towards Ayanokoji's face. Ayanokouji flawlessly dodged it, manoevuring the Kei lookalike.

"Tauwa-"

"m-Mou! Baka! Baka!"

The Kei puchimon pouted and squat down cutely. It swung the pencil overhead with two hands and dashed at Ayanokoji's direction with the sharp point of the pencil aimed at his belly. Ayanokoji aimlessly rolled over as if it was nothing. The p◯◯emon then took out a triangular ruler to trap Ayanokoji's hand but failed.

"Mou...!"

It then brought two round protractors to activate a kind of Demon Lobster-styled attack. Ayanokoji poured tomato sauce on both the round discs as if they were pizza. The po◯em◯n was distracted for a moment to lick the sauce.

"Mmm!"

The Kei-like po◯emon rolled on the floor enjoying the taste. It seemed that its hunger lasted until now. It still squealed unintelligibly and picked the pencil again and poked Ayanokoji's arm.

*poke*

*poke*

"... What is it now?"

"Muu... Baka! Pizza trap!"

Surprisingly, the blonde po◯emon could speak a few understandable words. However, Ayanokoji remained stone-faced while staring at the creature.

"..."

"..."

*awkward silence*

"Mou!"

*poke*

*poke*

*stab*

It stabbed Ayanokoji's cheek, while it was honestly painful, the creature was as cute as Kei nonetheless. It could melt the hearts of stab victims.

"Oww."

"??"

The poke◯on was genuienly confused when it saw Ayanokoji pinching his cheek. It pulled both its cheeks to imitate him, but ended up looking goofy and cute, followed by rolling around the floor.

'Cute...'

"Tauwawawawa"

*unintelligible squealing*

It was like a fluffball. He low-key hoped that it was the real human-sized Kei doing it to him somehow...