Broken | ✓

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT: BREATHE

                              Ireti

New relationships can either show you how much you've grown emotionally or how much garbage you are still holding onto.

Jide's relationship wouldn't sit right with any other woman but I could have handled it better without lashing out. Jide had not even the littlest idea about relationships, he was evolving but I at least had an idea.

There were so many options I could have chosen on how to handle the situation.  One of them was sitting him down and calmly explaining the situation at hand but I chose violence and nothing good ever comes out of violence especially as this was still new. Violence was something that grew on me during my relationship with Eddie.

I was scared that he was lying, that he wasn't trust worthy but the last three weeks were spent with him proving just how much he cared about him. It never bothered him that I am a rape victim like it did to other guys, he saw me as more of a survivor than a victim and he made me feel really special. He never touched me inappropriately or crossed any line.

Every time Eddie told me some girl was just his friend, it was one big lie. I thought I was over it and that the trust issues he gifted me were long gone but they weren't. Each time Jide's phone rang I was always on edge, thinking of which woman he was on the phone with, that was funny because the only women he spoke to were his cousin, Sandra and me. He had no friends.

I understood that Sandra was a big part of his life, he had narrated his story with Sandra a lot of times about how she helped him thrive and honestly I was glad he had somebody by his side.  Jide had been through so much in his life, I could never imagine having to watch my mother die before my eyes and the person behind her death was my father. I would never have survived the constant bullying from his father. I could never picture living life alone. During the early days of my incident I wanted to be alone, there were still days after the first stage when I had breakdowns and I craved solitude but I was thankful to know that when I walk through my door there were a set of people waiting to embrace me and tell me everything would be alright. Jide never had that.

I hurt him in the afternoon when I insinuated he was still sleeping with Sandra. I saw it in his eyes, he looked helpless. I knew they no longer had that kind of relationship but trust issues like to see faults where faults are non existent. Sincerely, I didn't want him to stop being friends with Sandra, she meant so much to him, I could never take that away from him and she was pregnant. Being a single mother in this cold world is awful, she needed all the support she could get. I just wanted boundaries to be set but I failed to communicate that to someone who has never been in a relationship.

I picked up my phone to dial his number but I dropped it the third time, ego wouldn't let me. Another thing I picked up from Eddie. Past relationships tend to dictate your actions in new relationships. I was seeing it now and I hated it because I liked Jide a lot, it took a lot of strength to ignore him at the office. I wanted to hug him and latch my lips on his.

I took the phone to call him again when it rang, he was the one calling.

Me: Hello.

Jide: Ireti, I need to speak to you now. Can you come outside?

Me: I need to speak to you.

I hung up and sprinted towards the door, ignoring my parents murmurs.

"Ireti" he rushed to me, he was still wearing the clothes he wore to the office.

"I'm sorry, I finally understand what you meant. I'm really sorry. I have drawn the line between me and Sandra and..."