Broken | ✓

CHAPTER NINE: SICK

                              Jide

I woke up with an agonizing head ache as I dragged my hands lazily on the bed in search of my phone, when I glanced at it, I saw that it was past twelve already. Sandra failed to wake me up. I tried to call her but the pounding in my head wouldn't stop so I gave up.

"Hey, look who finally decided to open their eyes" Sandra said walking in. She was wearing my black button up T-shirt from last night. It reached her mid thigh.

"My head feels like a thousand soldiers are marching on it"

"Ooh that can't be good" she walked towards me, touching my neck to feel my temperature.

"You seem to be running temperature"

"It's nothing, I just need two tablets of paracetamol and I'll be fine" I replied, standing up.

"Come downstairs then, I made you breakfast. Eat then take the paracetamol"

"Okay" I nodded.

Bread and flat egg were already laid on the table when I got down. Lipton was there too.

"I know you don't like milk but I added milk to the Lipton and there's nothing you can do about it" she smirked.

"Sandra you shouldn't have bothered"

"Oh common, have a seat" she replied dragging my hand to the dinning table, where we sat side by side.

As we ate, regrets about last night mounted its tent on my chest. I was already falling back to what I wanted to avoid.

Sandra was every man's dream, beautiful, smart with an astonishing sense of humor but I just wasn't the one for her. Sandra's dream was to settle down and start a family with kids. Becoming a father never held any place in my dreams. One of my deepest fears was becoming like my father. I had his face and his blood coursing through my veins and so the probability of me becoming a terrible father was really high.

Sandra wanted love. Her greatest desire was to love and be loved in return. Yes, I did love her but not in the way she had hoped for. To me love was just a stupid Hollywood genre and from what I had witnessed love had the power to tear you down. All the relationships I had witnessed ended in turmoil. My mother's marriage sitting at the top of that list. Her supposed love for my dad was the gateway to her doom. It destroyed her. To love was to suffer, to surrender and accept defeat. That was what I had learnt from her marriage.

Sandra was very special to me and things were good when there were no feelings involved, just sex, no strings attached. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her and that was why I cut all communications with her, hoping she would find somebody better suited for her. Someone who saw and wanted a future with her.

"I'm sorry about last night" I blurted out.

"What? Last night was awesome" she smiled rubbing my shoulder.

I shrugged.

"Sandra, you are one of the most important people in my life. Sometimes I think to myself, if you weren't there with me in London, I probably would have killed myself. You helped me get through the hard times and you already know how grateful I am"

"It's nothing" she replied, leaning into me.

I moved away from her.

"What's wrong?" She asked, looking concerned.

"Do you know why I ghosted you?"

"Because you were trying to push me away as always"

"It's not that Sandra, it's be...."