The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 11

We were standing on one side of the stage and Ecstasy of Gold was playing, and the crowd was clapping cheerfully through it. Some excitement was noticeable, the crowd was getting impatient for them to show up on that immense stage. I was amazed at the view from up there. All the hands in the air clapping and singing the melody was simply beautiful. For a moment, I wondered how he felt whenever he stepped on that stage and knew all these people were there for them and only for them. His rock star condition hit me again like a punch in the stomach. It hit me he was the one I had posters on the wall of my bedroom at home until not long ago. It hit me that person was no longer a stranger to me, and it hit me that he made me feel things no one else did until then and in such a short time. All of it scared me though.

Everything in him scared me. His fame scared me. His fragility scared me. His womanizer fame scared me. His alcoholism that I had yet met, but that I knew it existed, scared me. All was shown right in front of my eyes that afternoon. It is like what I have seen that it goes all the time. All the women, all the rock n' roll, all the fame and money. It's that. I was feeling so unbalanced and at the same time so ready to jump in that adventure. James had asked me for a chance and I was really considering giving him that chance. When you like someone... you like someone... no questions asked.

Metallica came on stage and kicked it off with Creeping Death. The power of the song made my worries and concerns disappear for a while, and I sang my heart out just like anybody else. It was incredible to see them from that close and even from that intimate place. The whole show was insane. They played fast and with passion, but that was something they were already known for. Metallica was a live band above all. They were on fire and like James had told me, whenever one of the guys came close to the snake pit, you could see some hands touching their legs, going to their zippers, hands closing on their bulge and touching them. Though the rules were very clear that one could touch the band, they were not obeyed. Girls took the chance to touch them in the most inappropriate ways and they didn't seem to care at all. They didn't move. They let them do whatever they wanted to do.

It was hard to see James approaching it. I didn't want to see it, for some reason. Sometimes he let them touch him, but others he would step back and avoid it. I guess he was fighting between the part where he wanted to show me he could be different and the part where he thought it was a piece of the show. I saw him doing an effort just to please me. I knew that gesture was just because I was there watching, and I had to value that. If the hands were just around his legs, he'd let it be but when going up, he would walk away. He showed me respect and that made my heart speed faster for him and his proposal began to ring in my head louder than ever once again.

There were many beers in front of Lars's drums just like in every show. They were known for their drinking, not only for their wild parties with girls. James grabbed three. I could also tell he was avoiding drinking too much, but he was alright and still kicking ass. That man kicked that crowd's ass really hard. He was pure rock n'roll... fire on stage. One could see how much he loved to be up there and to be the king of heavy metal. The way he manly held his guitar in his hands, the way he stood up front roaring his lyrics. His head banging. James was a monster. So different from the man I had been knowing little by little off stage. Right there, right on my first show I learned there were two of him.

The show was over after two and a half hours of heavy music. I was exhausted just from watching them. I could imagine how they were feeling after playing. We walked inside and waited for the band and we congratulated them for the awesome show they had delivered. It had been insane, and I never expected that my first Metallica show would be experienced from the point of view that I had just watched it. I was ecstatic for I adored every single bit of it.

James caught my hand when he got near me and we walk hand in hand to the dressing room. That moment I didn't care people were looking at us. I didn't care at all. I had no explanations to give to anyone and apparently, neither did he. Would people call me a groupie? Maybe... but why should I care about what other people think? I knew why I was there, and he did too and that was enough for me. Lil had disappeared with the guy she had been talking earlier, and the boys had some luck and were talking to some girls who seemed quite interested in them. Everything was going much better than we had predicted. Me, not even in my wildest dreams I would have seen that coming. Never in my life I thought I would be walking down a corridor hand in hand with James. As we got in the dressing room, James closed the door.