The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 110

First week was gone. I can't say it went fast because it didn't. It went incredibly slow and it was painful to be in the house without him and just wondering what he was going through and not knowing exactly how he was doing. I tried to know as much as I could. I called the doctor every day to know how he was doing. All he used to say was that James made some progress over the last days and that he could finally make him talk. I didn't even ask how. I could imagine what strategy he used to make him talk. Sometimes it was even hard for me to make him talk, let alone a stranger. I knew James was going through a rough time because I knew him and I knew him well. I have loved him all my life and we'd been through so much so I knew I wasn't wrong and that hurt me deeply. Whatever hurts him it hurts me.

The guys had a tough time accepting that he was gone. I tried to explain as much as I could but they, especially Lars, saw it as if he was abandoning the band and their lifetime dream. That wasn't the thing at all, but I understand how scary it was for all of us. It's true that James left in the middle of recording an album but it was now or never and that's what I tried to explain. At first, I failed, much to my frustration. Even Bob looked at it as James ending Metallica but I knew it was not that. It was so far from that. James loved Metallica and his music. He could never live without it. He also went to rehab for them. If he continued on that rhythm, he would eventually leave Metallica for good because he was exhausted but none of them could see it. I realized none of them knew his true essence and that saddened me. They were shattered and they couldn't see it but they waited for him. They kept having their therapy group with Phil which I thought it was good because it helped them deal with their problems and with the frustration of not knowing anything about James.

One day, I invited them to my house so we could talk better. After talking and digest the news they began to ask how James was doing and they wanted to know some news, especially Kirk, he was the most concerned. I was ok with that. They deserved to know as much as I could share. I was in the kitchen brewing coffee when my intercom lightened up and showed me Lars's car on the screen. I opened the gate even before he rang and I saw him taking the car inside our property. After, I went to door and waited for him.

"Hi." He said, kissing me on the cheek. "How are you?" He asked right after, piercing into my eyes trying to study my humor.

"I'm fine." I told him sighing a little. "It's not easy but I am taking it day by day."

"Are you sure?" He said still looking straight into my eyes.

"Yes I am sure." I nodded. "I miss him, but this is needed."

"I get it." Lars nodded and that rested my heart.

"Let's go inside." I invited him.

I took Lars to the living room and brought some coffee for us. I sat by his side on the couch and handed him a cup filled with the hot liquid.

"Kirk is not coming." He informed me. "Apparently some problem with Lani came up and he had to go home." Lars explained. I just nodded. He also looked exhausted. Lars was really having a hard time dealing with all the mess that suddenly our lives have become. "I guess we are all having problems at this stage." He sighed.

I tapped his hand there. I knew he was also having trouble in his marriage and as his friend, I needed to offer him comfort. Not only their professional life was at a low but also their personal lives were reaching the bottom. Fans had no clue how low their lives had reached at that point.

"That's why he had to go." I said. Lars looked straight in my eyes. "He had to go for so many reasons but one of them being our marriage. If he stayed here and pretended that nothing was happening, we would end up falling apart. It happened before and it would happen again and none of us wanted that, especially now that we are expecting two babies. He did it for us." I told him. "But he also did it for you guys. I don't think you guys realized it but he was exhausted. He was so fed up; he didn't even want to be recording. He wasn't inspired. Metallica was going to be next. This is not the Black Album anymore where getting divorced and all that shit wasn't important. There's kids involved now, and love that you don't wanna lose Lars. And God forbids how he'd ended up if he lost me and Metallica." I shivered at the thought. Lars just sighed.