The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 36

I woke up the next morning feeling sad. I opened my eyes and saw the sunlight piercing from under the blinders, but I just pulled the blanket over my head for I wanted to be quiet in the dark. James's words from the previous night ringing in my ears "I just want to die." I feared for him and obviously it hurt me to see the man I loved that fragile, that broken and that lost. Inside his mind everything is much bigger than it really is. Not that the situation was easy at all, but James tended to see things in his very own way and I feared deeply it could turn out really bad. He was self-destructive and he needed help.

The sadness turned into crying quite fast and I sobbed in despair. I was afraid I was not going to be strong enough to cope with our situation and I had to show James some strength. I was the one telling him to be strong and I was weakening myself. I wished none of that upon us. We didn't deserve any of it. We were just two people who had fallen in love and someone else had other plans. We were victims of someone's greediness. I stayed in bed crying for quite some time. Not that crying could solve any of our problems, but sometimes it helps us relief. I must have been crying for an hour or so when my cell vibrated on the bedside table. I peeped at the display and saw it was Skylar, so I picked it up with a crying voice even though I did my best to disguise it.

"Are you crying?" She asked first thing after my first hello.

"No... I... I..." I started crying on the phone much to my embarrassment. "I am sorry..." I choked a bit on my tears. "I am so sorry..."

"Hey... give me your address." She offered. "I better stop by so we can talk. Is that ok for you?" She asked.

"I'd like that." I agreed in need of some company and so I gave her my address.

"I'm on my way." Skylar told me promptly and the next thing the phone went dead.

Since she was coming, I thought it was better to get dressed. So, I took a shower and put on the first clothes I could reach in my wardrobe: a denim skirt, and a jumper. So sexy... I thought to myself ironically. I didn't have breakfast. I just poured a cup of coffee that I drunk in small sips against the kitchen's counter, thinking about my life. I felt miserable and worried. Even after the shower, I looked terrible. My eyes were swollen from the crying, all red... tears popping up whenever I remembered James's words. He worried me the most. I stayed in the kitchen until I heard Skylar's knock on my door. That's when I strayed from my kitchen's counter and I went to open the door. Skylar had brought Lani with her, and they looked at me rather in shock they saw me. That's how awful I looked... enough to scare people.

"I knew you weren't alright." She said, hugging me.

The tears that I had been holding since I got out of bed were falling again. I couldn't hold it any longer. Lani stroked my hair while I dismantled completely. I sobbed for quite some time without saying a word... nothing. They had just met me, but they left everything for me. I had just made two wonderful friends. I knew it right there.

"It's going to be alright." Skylar tried to comfort me.

"Do you know what he told me yesterday?" I finally spoke. "That he wanted to die." I choked on my tears again and made a small pause. "I'm so afraid he might do something stupid. He's fragile. He's not the super human being people think he is or expect him to be." I said, sitting on the couch.

"He's not going to do anything like that." Lani assured me.

"I don't know if I can be strong enough for the two of us." I said, shaking my head.

"But you have to be." Skylar added. "If you show James you're losing your grip, he's gonna derail completely. He needs to feel you're with him, otherwise I don't think he can make it."