The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 27

I arrived at the party a bit later than I was supposed to. Thus, all the guests were already there, and I felt my heart race more than ever again. I was nothing but a pure frenzy of raw emotions and I confess that my breathing was completely unsteady. I was extremely anxious. I was drowning in anxiety, rotting, and corroding in it. Seeing James had been a punch in my stomach and not a nice one. Realizing one still moves you after so many years, it's like acknowledging that your life hasn't moved at all. And I thought I had done so much in the past years... Seeing him made me feel that way. It made me feel like I had been surfacing in a parallel world until I was faced again with my reality. My reality hurt. I loved him still... I still loved him like four years haven't passed at all...

I entered the space hand in hand with Mark and the first person my eyes got hold of was James with a blonde by his side. A blonde clutching onto his arm forcefully, trying to be noticed. That had to be girlfriend... my heart sunk down in such misery that very moment that my legs felt like jelly and I gripped tighter onto Mark's hand. She had her back turned at me, so I couldn't see if she was pretty or not. Did it matter? She had him, and I didn't.

As if feeling my presence, James looked at me over her shoulder and that time he didn't looked away and neither did I. For a few long seconds we stared at each other. Our eyes met and locked. His blue eyes more magnificent than ever. This time, I didn't see the initial hate in his glare, but I saw so much sorrow and probably mine were reflecting the same. I was glued to the floor with my palms sweating cold, and I didn't move until I was pushed away by Mark who had seen a friend of his. I was glad he did so, because I was unable to ignore the blue eyes that searched for my black ones.

While Mark talked with his friend happily, I was completely oblivious to their conversation. My eyes searched for James again though. I could not avoid searching for him. Oblivious to what was happening that moment, Mark still talked to his friend and I was looking at James who was still looking at me. We were mesmerized by each other, like we have always been. I swear at one point, he even gave me a soft smile and then drank his glass of champagne in one long drag. Then, he grabbed another one and lifted it up to me as in a toast and downed it again. That was not a good sign... I shivered...

I looked at the blonde again. She was not that pretty and she was holding onto his arm as if she was holding onto her life. She did not let go of him as if she was afraid he'd run away. He paid little to no attention to her, but she made sure she was there. No one had to tell me she was his girlfriend. I knew she was. She sometimes looked at me too, probably trying to find out where he was looking at. She was tense I could tell, but I represented no danger to her or I thought it that way. So... that was Francesca... I thought. Her hair was dreadful and her dress was boring. She looked boring... and I... I was dead jealous. I was dying in jealousy. She was going to kiss him. She was going to make love to him and I could not do any of it.

Meanwhile, Lars waved at me and called me. He introduced me to his wife Skylar. He had gotten married that year and Kirk introduced me to his girlfriend Lani. Both girls were very nice, and Skylar filled me with details of New York as I was moving there in a couple of months. Another big step in my career. Gary and Lil were moving too. I was about to make the deal of a lifetime... a ten million dollars contract to stay in America for a couple of years. I didn't say no.

As I was moving there, they asked for my phone number to keep in touch and I didn't see any reason not to give it to them. New friends are always welcome, especially since I was moving to another country and this time miles away from my own country and from my own culture. It was during that conversation that I saw James approaching me. A lump formed in my throat and my heart began to race again. I was going to have a heart attack. I could not be near him. I knew I wouldn't bear to be near him. I prayed no one would leave when he got there, but as soon as he stepped near us, they all left, and we stayed alone. Nothing could be worse than that. We had nothing to say to each other, right?