The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 31

James spent the rest of his day with me. We talked a lot about us and our feelings and how we would deal with it in the future. By then, many things had changed. We had unveiled the truth. We were talking again. We knew we still had feelings for one another, and his girlfriend was pregnant... My heart was broken. He was going to have a child with another woman.

James was not feeling much better than I was. It scared us that we weren't able to let go of each other. It was creepy how we both had let it live inside us for four years, without letting it go. We laughed at it anyway. One had to face these demons or blessings with a smile on one's face. Life can truly kick you down sometimes... We kept being kicked down and down and we still loved each other.

Completely oblivious to the fact that we would not be able to do it, we agreed that we both loved each other but we had to act like we didn't. Life had to go on as if we weren't in love. Can anyone think of anything harder than that? Can anyone think of a stupider idea than that? If we didn't resist to share a few kisses during that same afternoon, how would we be able to resist each other with time? Naïve... hypocrite... you can call us anything you'd like. You are right. We did not resist. We did everything wrong... human beings do stupid things and we are human.

James was happy I was going to New York though and even tried to make up my mind to move to San Francisco instead. Obviously, it was not my option. I had to go to New York because the new model agency was in New York and I had a contract to comply with. We wanted to be close to each other, this already gave us the signs that it was going to be terribly hard... but our intentions were good. Our feelings were bigger than our intentions though. Being friends with someone you love is not an easy task but most of all we didn't want to lose contact; at least we could be together in some way. That afternoon we made so many plans regarding our friendship and I tell you... we didn't comply with any of it...

Time for dinner with Lars and Kirk got close so our conversation came to an end as I had to get ready. I left James in the living room and I went to my room to get dressed. I took a quick shower and put on a pair of black pants, a pink sleeveless top and black high heel sandals. I tied my hair up in a pony tail and I put on some light make up and some drops perfume to complete the outfit. When I came back to the living room, he was watching TV. I stayed behind him watching him for a while, for he was rather concentrated and he didn't hear me coming in. The man I loved was there once again and once again I had to let him go. My heart ached so much. I just wanted to go behind him, wrap my arms around him and kiss him deadly. The man I loved was right there... and there was nothing I could do but dream of his arms around me, his lips on my lips and his body united with my body.

"Are you ready?" He said not taking his eyes off the TV.

"How do I look?" I asked, taking a spin already in front of him.

"Gorgeous." James locked his eyes in my figure and then smiled. "You always look gorgeous..." He said, looking in my eyes. "You are so beautiful, Lea."

"Come on." I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm not all that."

"Yes, you are." He said, pulling me by my hand and making me sit on his lap. "To me you are perfect, beautiful" He said, planting small kisses on my neck.

My whole body trembled in need for him right there, but we had a mission...

"James..." I whispered. "We are supposed to act like friends." I added, trying to get rid of his amazing embrace and even more amazing pecks.

"And that's what we're doing." James smiled. "We didn't even have sex!" He added after, cracking a laughter.

"You are unbelievable..." I laughed too, still not free from his arms.