The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 101

The show did not go very well. The crowd was effusive. The band was tight, but James was a bit disconnected. Or at least I felt him that way. He forgot a couple of lyrics and got out of the stage more times than usual to rest. I knew perfectly well what was happening, but others didn't. This fact culminated into a fight after the show. I didn't understand why he didn't tell them the truth. After all, they knew he had that injury, but he'd rather take the bullets than tell them what was happening. I saw then what Sky had told me about the band not being ok. Jason barely spoke to any of them and was never with us. James and Lars spent the whole time fighting and Kirk, well, he was caught in the middle of it, but he had been dragged into it too. There was a huge sarcasm in all the sentences they exchanged with each other. I didn't expect it to be that bad to be honest. After all, they were all trying to get us back together. It had been Lars's idea of me going on tour with them. Clearly, the band was disintegrating... slowly... bit by bit. It was so scary to watch.

That night, Lars accused James of not wanting to play, and that was like a bullet in my heart because I knew that he wanted to do it but he was just not able to. Though hurting, I remained in silence as it was not my place to come between them. Nevertheless, I had to leave the room because I was getting irritated that Lars was yelling at James like that. By then, Jason and Dee had already left to the hotel and Lani was almost begging Kirk to leave too. What was supposed to be a party after the show, was almost a battlefield. I was ready to see at any time James losing his mind and hitting Lars, but I was glad it didn't happen.

"I never saw James so disconnected in a show." Pep said when he joined me outside.

I was sitting on the floor with my back against the wall looking at the stars. I had been crying. I had been releasing all my frustration.

"You know perfectly well why that happened. I don't understand why he doesn't tell them the truth." I responded.

"You know how he is."

"I know..." I breathed.

Pep handed me one of the bottles of beer he was holding in his hands and we had it there, sitting on the floor, just looking at the stars. I felt sad and I didn't feel much like talking, and Pep was perfect at understanding my mood. So, he just sat there with me in silence, until the crack of the door opening made us turn our head to see who was coming. It was James, looking angrier than ever.

"Hi." He said, sitting down on the floor by my side. I gave him a smiled and returned the greeting.

"I think I am gonna go..." Pep said, getting up.

"Stay." I told him.

Pep shook his head, excused himself and left us alone. He figured out that maybe James wanted to talk and he would be more comfortable if we were alone. Or just because he thought we needed to be alone. Maybe we did. No... we needed to be alone. I handed him my bottle of beer.

"Want some?" I asked though I knew I shouldn't.

He just shook his head. His gaze on the floor. He looked defeated and my heart ached so much. Not controlling my gestures anymore, I ran my fingers through his hair to give him some support. He closed his eyes and sighed at my touch.

"Thanks for that." He said.

"No need to thank me." I smiled at him.

"Why are you here?" He asked, looking at me.

"I was a bit tired of hearing you guys yelling." I was honest with him.

"I was awful on stage today." He sounded truly disappointed.

"You did the best you could." I told him. As I tell him this Zach peeped out from the door.

"James, the car is ready." He informed. James just mumbled him an "Ok."