The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 109

We spent the rest of our day at home just the two of us, and our love for each other. We made love one more time before falling asleep, and I can safely say I didn't want that day to end. I knew two weeks would go fast, but rehab was actually making me anxious. I secretly feared for him. I knew he was a strong person, maybe stronger than he knew he was, but I also knew they were going to go deeper into things he had buried deep inside of him and that he didn't want to bring that up again. That would be tough. That would bring him down to his knees and I didn't want James to hurt anymore. He had had enough.

I fell asleep a couple of hours after him because I was lost in my thoughts and watching his silhouette while he was sleeping peacefully until I finally subsided to my own fatigue and without even noticing it, I began to close my eyes and fell asleep too. We were both awaked by the alarm clock at 8.30 sharply. Its ring made me jump off of my sleep, and the first thing that crossed my mind was "This is it. He has to go." I turned around to look at James, and he was laid on his back. His hands crossed at the back of his head and looking at the ceiling.

"Hey..." I said, dragging my body closer to him. "Been awaked for long?" I asked, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. He turned around to look at me and tangled his fingers in my hair.

"No, just for a couple of minutes. Sleep well?" He asked.

"Not really." I was honest. "You?"

"The first couple of hours but then I was always waking up and falling asleep again." He told me.

"I guess we better get ready." I said then, studying his eyes.

He didn't say a thing. He just gave me a peck and got out of the bed, leaving towards the bathroom. He was tense, serious, and too nervous, I could say. Most of all, he was worried and afraid. James was terribly scared as I've never seen him before and that detail scared me even more. I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling while I heard him open the water. I didn't have a clue of the man I was going to find after rehab. I was afraid of being left alone now that I was pregnant, but we both knew it was for the best and it needed to be done. I sighed almost in despair and rubbed my eyes almost with violence to wake me up from the trance I was in and to shake away the fear I was feeling. James couldn't see me that way. He had to feel my support to give him strength to go on. So, I got out of the bed with a quick move and on my way to the bathroom I stopped, looking at his bags near the bedroom's door. My heart started beating so fast again.

"It's for the best." I said to myself and then I opened the bathroom's door.

I found James leaning against the wall with the water falling on him, he was too quiet. I took my pajama off, leaving it on the floor, and got in the shower with him. Without saying a word, he took his hands to my waist and pulled me to him, in what I could tell was his "help me" hug. I held him as tight as I could and stroke his wet hair.

"It's gonna be alright, baby." I whispered in his ear. "I promise."

He didn't say a thing. He just kissed my cheek and held me even tighter, releasing me after a while. Straying a bit to look in my face, he took a hand to my soaked hair and caressed it.

"I just wonder what changes this rehab is going to make in me and if you'll love the man that is getting out of there. You married this guy that is standing in front of you, but will you love the man that is going to leave that place after I don't know how long?" He asked, looking in my eyes.

"Of course, I will." I said, resting my forehead against his. "I will love you no matter what, James."

"What if you don't recognize me? I mean..." He sighed before finish his thought and then he started again. "What if I am so different that you just don't recognize me?"