The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 90

Confused and not knowing exactly what to do, I answered the phone first before I even got downstairs to open the door. I was not sure I wanted to open the door. I was not sure if I wanted to let him in. I was not sure if I wanted to talk to him at all.

"What do you want?" I asked him straight away when I picked up the call.

"Open the door, Lea." He asked me.

"It's four am, James." I protested. "Go home.!"

"I won't leave." He warned me. "Open the fucking the door."

"Fucking hell." I groaned ending the call.

I threw the cell on the bed got out of it. I knew he wouldn't give up, so I put on my robe and went downstairs. I pushed the button to open the gate and went outside as I saw his car getting in. When he got out of the car, I noticed how he was stumbling and walked towards me quite fast.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked him. "It's four am! It's late!"

James didn't answer me. When he got close, he just took both his hands to my face and kissed me. I almost subsided to the kiss in the beginning. When I felt his lips against mine, I just felt like holding him too and just let go, and I think for a few seconds I did let go. I think for a few seconds that I kissed him back. I kissed him back, I know I did, but then reality hit me and I just stared to push him away as strongly as I could. Finally, I managed to get my arms in the between us and with a final push I was able to push him away from me. His lips still burning on mine though and my heart extremely accelerated.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I yelled.

"I can't get you out of my head." He yelled back.

"Are you out of your mind? Coming here late in the night and then out of nowhere you kiss me? What's wrong with you?"

"What's so wrong with that?" He argued, waving his arms in the air. "We love each other!" He shouted. "We love each other, Lea!"

"You're drunk!" I threw at him, feeling my eyes watering. "Look at you... you're even stumbling. Go home." I told him.

"This is home! This is my house! I belong here with you. This is our house." He yelled in my face. I lost it there.

"YOU BROKE UP WITH ME!" I yelled at the top of my lungs and though I didn't want to cry, my tears began to fall. "YOU CHEATED ON ME!" I yelled again. "Just when I was telling you I'd help you getting better, you confess that you cheated on me." I paused to breathe for I was beginning to sob. "And even then... even then James..." I breathed fast. "... I was willing to give you a chance and you ran away to some ranch in the middle of fucking nowhere and left the ring that I gave you on the fucking phone table. NOW, DON'T FUCKING TELL ME THIS IS YOUR HOUSE!"

"And what did you do? Instead of trying to get me back... coming after me... whatever... You just packed your stuff and went to Europe." He accused me. "You didn't even care!" He cried too. "You acted like it didn't matter at all! When I came back, you had your whole life figured out!" He told me.

"What did you want me to do? Uh? Stay here and wait for you to get better? Look at you, James! I really hoped when I came back you'd be better but look at you... you're even worse than when I left. Didn't you learn anything from this experience?" I asked in the end.

"Yeah..." He nodded and paused panting a little. Then, he looked in my eyes with his crying ones. "I learned that falling in love fucks you up." He shot.

"No, it doesn't." I answered. "Drinking... fucks you up. Alcohol was what ruined our relationship. It wasn't even the cheating part because even though you don't realize it, cheating on me was a consequence of the drinking. If you weren't drunk, you wouldn't have taken a woman to your room. And honestly James, I tried so hard to make you see that. I'm not going to deny that it hurt too much knowing that you had other women, but I was willing to go through that. I was willing to try to make it right. You were the one pulling me away from your life. Maybe to do what you're doing now, drinking every night, scoring women. Aren't you with the mother of your daughter? What were you doing with a woman hung in your arm at the club? At least try to respect her and your daughter for Christ's sake. I'm tired of fighting... that was one of the reasons that helped me go through our separation. We were always fighting in the end. It was exhausting... and I've just arrived... and look at us... here we are fighting again!"