The Diary of Our Love

Chapter 87

I ran back home with tears falling heavily down my face and blurring my view. I ran and stroked my eyes at the same time to clear the tears but there was no use for they kept falling mercilessly. When I got to my house, I opened my door quickly and got in, leaning against the door as I shut it, gasping heavily, and crying. I was desperate. I swear I saw just an ugly scenario that moment and my world falling apart. I needed to talk to someone and Lil was no longer around. She was my person you know, and suddenly I didn't have her. Still, I looked at my cell phone resting on the phone table and I picked it up and called Lars.

"Lea." He said as he answered.

"I think we broke up." I told him crying and sobbing and chocking on my sobs at the same time.

"Wait? What? What are you talking about?" He said almost yelling on the other side. "Can you come here?" He asked in the end. "Can you drive? You sound so nervous..."

"I think so." I said slightly sobbing and nodding as if he could see me. "I'll be there in twenty minutes." I told him.

He mumbled something I couldn't hear before I hang up. I went to the bathroom and washed my face, picking up my purse on my way back to the door and I left. I drove in silence. I didn't want to hear any sound apart from the engine of my car. I was nervous, breathing heavily and feeling slightly dizzy. As my hands gripped onto the steering wheel, I glanced at my engagement ring and started crying again. How could he just choose the alcohol over me? How could he do that? How come he didn't see he was destroying himself? Those were the main questions afflicting me. Maybe at the time I didn't understand how much of a disease alcoholism is. Addictions are diseases. James wasn't choosing anything...

I stopped in front of Lars's house and rang the bell. He opened it and I took my car inside, parking in front of his door. He was already there waiting for me and when I reached him, he wrapped his arm around my waist and took me inside without saying anything. Then, he turned to Sky and asked her to bring me a cup of tea and sat me on his couch in the living room. I noticed a new painting in front of it.

"Nice painting." I said pointing at it.

"It's my new addition." He said studying my face.

"Stop looking at me like that." I told him.

"So, wanna tell me what happened." He said pouring me a cup of tea, as Sky came back with a tray and some cookies.

I refused the cookies but accepted the tea gladly. I blew it a bit before taking a small sip and just after I began to talk. I told him the latest happenings and our conversation at the church.

"Come on Lea. you can't call it quits!" Lars exclaimed. "You're three months away from your wedding." He tried to reason me.

"What do you want me to do?" I questioned him, throwing my hands in the air. "He was the one suggesting it, Lars!" I reminded him. "He thinks I am better off without him so he can continue with his rock star lifestyle. For me it is beyond painful to see how low he's getting. He will eventually open his eyes when he hits the bottom, but how long will that take? What more do I have to cope with until he realizes he has an addiction? Lars... he's an alcoholic, and he doesn't accept that. He doesn't think he has a problem. He thinks he can stop anytime, and he's so blind that he doesn't see it's getting worse and worse every day."

"I saw how he was during the tour. I've never seen him so drunk. I know you're having a hard time but leaving him now it's only gonna make things worse for him." He insisted.

"I don't want to leave him.." I breathed. "If it depended on me he would check into rehab and he'd stay there for as long as he needed, even if we had to postpone the wedding." I told him. "He doesn't want it..."