Searching for Purpose (Twenty One Pilots)

32. The Start

"Tyler Joseph!" Mrs. Joseph screamed into Tyler's ear through the phone. "How could you be so careless like that! You never leave medicine around yourself when you're feeling off for that reason exactly! You'll forget how much you've taken and then end up in the hospital again!"

Tyler solemnly nodded his head. "I know. I'm sorry, Mom."

"And to think that I'm trusting you to live on your own!" she continued. "I raised you better than this. You're a smart boy, Tyler. But you have to remember that you can't do everything on your own."

"Yes, Mom."

"Next time you're sick, ask Josh to give you your medicine and to keep the rest away from you. We don't need another scare like that," Mrs. Joseph cried. "Your father was just about ready to drive down there and bring you home himself!"

From the other side of the line, Tyler could hear his father yell out from the background. "No I wasn't! That was all you. He's fine is what I said."

Tyler half smiled. His parents never changed. Sometimes he missed that.

"I'll have Josh do it, don't worry, Mom," Tyler sighed.

"Oh, you know I will always worry about you, Tyler. You're my baby boy," his mother huffed. "Also, next time, will you call us yourself? From your own phone? It near gave me a heart attack when Josh called from the phone at the hospital yesterday."

"Can do, Mom. I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetie," she sighed. "I'll talk to you later though, to check up on you. You father and I have to go to your brother's basketball game."

Tyler flinched at her last few words. He loved his brother, he loved him so much, and he loved his parents too, but it felt like his parents cared about him a little less than everyone else.

"Talk to you later, Mom."

"Bye, sweetie."

The line went dead and Tyler's hand dropped into his lap. He looked up at Josh who had been leaning against Tyler's desk in the corner the whole time. Josh was worried. Tyler could tell.

"You," Tyler started to say. "You didn't tell her that I tried to... that it was an... a uh...."

"Attempt?" Josh suggested. "No. I know you don't want them to know. I said you were sick and just took too many pills because you lost count and couldn't remember."

Tyler looked back down at his lap and nodded his head.

"Thank you," Tyler whispered.

Josh didn't say anything but moved away from the desk and sat down next to Tyler. He put his arms around his way too thin best friend and gave him a hug.

"Please," Josh said. "Please don't ever do that to me again."

Tyler could tell that Josh was crying. He turned his upper body so that he could hug Josh back. When he did so he became very aware of how much smaller he was than Josh. At the start of the year, they had been about the same. Now, Tyler was next to nothing.

"I know I'm being selfish, but, Ty, please don't ever make me go through that with you again."

Josh entire body was shaking. Guilt flooded through Tyler and squeezed his heart, making his chest hurt even more.

"I'm sorry," Tyler eventually choked out.

Josh only hugged him tighter.

"I'll let you get some rest, okay?" Josh said after he wiped away the last of his tears. Tyler nodded, unable to trust his voice. Something inside of him was on the edge of breaking and he didn't know what was going to set it off. "I'm right down the hall. Come get me if you need me."