Two days, one hotel night, 12 rest stops, and around 30 energy drinks later, Tyler and Josh pulled into the parking lot near their dorm building just after noon on Sunday. After putting away everything they took with them on their short road trip back home. The two friends found themselves sitting in the lounge room at the end of the hallway in their dorm. Michael, who was sat at the table in the corner with an abandoned painting on front of him, was involved in a heated discussion about some sort of band thing, from what Tyler could guess, with his older brother and a shorter guy with tons of tattoos whom Tyler had never seen before.
Across the room, snuggled up in the couch, was Tyler’s neighbor Ryan and the guy who he had been kissing at Mark’s party. They were both nice enough to Tyler, and the other guy could sing really well, but there were some things that Tyler never wanted to hear come out of anyone’s moth late at night. Ryan and the guy reminded Tyler of the couple at the Forest Inn the first time he had stayed there.
Tyler sighed and looked up at the TV that was mounted on the wall in front of the couch he and Josh were sat on. Someone in the hall had brought out a gaming system and the whole building made it their mission to beat the high score that was previously on the game. So far Tyler was in fifth place, while Josh and the guy from upstairs, who no one had ever heard say a word, kept switching between first and second place.
The figures on the screen danced before Tyler’s eyes and the color’s blurred together. In the background he heard Michael animatedly explaining why a certain amp was crucial to the success of their unformed band mixed with puke-ably cute sweet nothings whispered between the couple on the couch. Tyler sat still and let everything happen around him. Sometimes he liked the disconnected feeling that watching others go about their daily lives gave him. It made him feel slightly less human and made it easier to forget about his problems for just a little while longer.
“Hey, Ty,” Josh’s voice broke into Tyler’s thought, “do you still have that alpaca game?”
Josh was now sitting upside down on the couch, with his head where feet should go and his legs dangling over the back of the couch.
“”It’s not really a game, but yeah,” Tyler replied.
“Can I play it?” Josh was already reaching for Tyler’s phone, which sat on the cushion between the two of them.
“Sure,” Tyler said. He would never understand Josh’s strange love for the, quite possibly weirdest, game Tyler had. “Just don’t open that text.”
Josh looked down at the screen and furrowed his eyebrows.
“Why don’t you want to talk to Jenna?” he asked.
Tyler sighed and rubbed his hands with his face. He had been doing that a lot lately. The opening music of the alpaca game filled Tyler’s ears.
“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, because trust me, I really do,” Tyler eventually said. “I just don’t know what to say, you know? And I really, really like her and I kind of want something more with her, and I’m pretty sure she wants to be more than just friends, too, but I don’t know if I’m ready for anything.”
For the past few weeks, Tyler had been texting Jenna almost nonstop. They even met up a few times in the library to study, even though they didn’t have a single class that was the same. Tyler already knew that he cared for her more than he did for other people, and she was one of the only people besides josh that managed to make him smile every now and then, but Tyler didn’t know if he was right for her. If he was good enough.
You’re not good enough for anyone, Tyler Joseph.
You’re going to die alone.
“I can barely even take care of myself,” Tyler whispered.
Josh righted himself on the couch and locked Tyler’s phone, a frown set on his face.
“There’s nothing wrong with thinking that, you know. It’s normal,” Josh spoke up. Tyler didn’t reply. “Have you told her any of that?”
Tyler looked down at his lap. “No. I don’t want her to think that I’m lame.”
“Nonsense.”
“But what if I tell her all that and she doesn’t ever want to see me again? I don’t want to lose her.”
“She won’t,” Josh reassured him. “And if she does, well then you know that a relationship wouldn’t have worked out anyway. But from what I know of Jenna, she will respect your feelings and understand everything completely.”
Tyler looked up at Josh. “You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Tyler’s phone went off and Jenna’s name flashed up on the screen. Tyler picked up his phone and read it.
“She wants to hang out today,” Tyler told josh.
“Well, do you want to?”
Tyler nodded.
“Ask her to dinner,” Josh said. “You can tell her everything then.”
Tyler looked hesitant as he typed out his reply. He had never been very good with the whole “liking people” thing. If there was a wrong thing to do, Tyler probably did it at some time before.
Eventually though, Tyler did hit send. Josh patted him on the shoulder, telling him that everything was going to be okay. Tyler allowed himself to smile a bit, but it vanished when Jenna replied.
Jenna: 7 sounds great. I have to tell you something important anyways.
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I do love me a good cliffhanger. I also love songs. Send them in.
also, I thought I would share this, I had some spare time in my classes on friday so I wrote this all out in one of my spirals. one of the guys in my calss saw it.
guy: you're not writing fanfction are you?
me: whaaat. noo. why would I write fanfiction???
guy: aha good. those people have no lives.
me: haha ha. yeah. *sweats nervously*
YOU ARE READING
Searching for Purpose (Twenty One Pilots)
FanfictionTyler was sad. He was hurt, confused, angry, and scared, too, but most of all, he was sad. He didn't know if it was because he had been stuck in the same town for his entire life or it it was something a bit more serious, but that little uncertainty...
