Searching for Purpose (Twenty One Pilots)

18. Damp Clothes And Dinner Plans

The sun was high in the sky by the time Tyler woke up. He got out from under his sheets and rubbed his eyes. Josh must have stayed put him to bed after Tyler cried himself to sleep. Tyler still didn’t know how he had been so lucky as to run into the strange, always-smiling mow hawked guy all those days back.

When he got into his bathroom, Tyler noticed that there was a shopping bag on the counter; one that he certainly had not put there. He didn’t even shop at the pharmacy that it had come from. Puzzled, Tyler went over and opened it. Inside he found a box of bandages and a bottle of disinfectant for small scrapes and wounds. Something inside Tyler’s chest twisted and tightened. His breath caught in his throat because oh God, someone knew. But then a small sigh escaped his lips because oh God, someone cared.

Tyler stepped into the shower and turned on the spray. It was a good two minutes of standing under the flow of water that Tyler realized that normal people don’t shower while still fully clothed. He cursed at himself while he peeled off the soaking articles of clothing and set them on the floor of the shower.

“Get a hold of yourself,” Tyler mumbled.

Once he was dried off and dressed for the day, Tyler went back into his bathroom and stared at the shopping bag. He was hesitant with his movements as he pushed up his sleeves and cleaned off his wrists. After wrapping his fore arms with the bandages, Tyler pulled his sleeves back down and over his hands. A small, sad smile slipped onto his face.

Tyler headed over to Josh’s room after that. He found his friend sitting at his desk talking to someone over Skype.

“Oh, Mom,” Josh said as Tyler walked into his room. “I want you to meet Tyler.”

Josh waved his hands furiously at Tyler to get him to join him in front of the screen. A lady around the same age as his own mother was smiling back at him and Josh.

“Oh, Tyler! How wonderful to meet you!” the lady exclaimed. “I’m Josh’s mother. He’s told me so much about you!”

At her statement both boys blushed. Josh because his mom was just a tad embarrassing at some points, and Tyler because it had been a while since someone had ever been a close enough friends with him that they told their mother about him.

“Josh was telling me about how your family lives in Columbus, too, and I thought it would be a wonderful idea for us all to have Thanksgiving dinner together. Would that be something your family would enjoy, Tyler?”

Tyler smiled. “I’m sure my mom would be ecstatic. She’s always looking for other people to try her pies.”

“Well then that’s settled then,” Mrs. Dun stated. “You boys can come back home together and we’ll all have a great time.”

Tyler looked over at Josh, who smiled back at him.

“My mom likes meeting my friends,” he explained.

Tyler only smiled in response.

Forty minutes and two embarrassing stories from Josh’s childhood later, the two boys said goodbye to Mrs. Dun and promised to look out for each other before setting off in search of food. They ended up back at the restaurant that had the macaroni and cheese and bacon on the hamburgers.

“You sure you’re cool with spending Thanksgiving with my family?” Josh asked between mouthfuls or fries.

“Yeah, why not,” Tyler replied. “It sounds fun.”

“Sweet,” Josh smiled. “Also, I’ll need your help dying my hair again before we go home.”

“How come? I love the blue.”

“Me too, but my grandmother doesn’t. She just finished reprimanding me for it and then left right when you came in. She says if I dyw my hair it should be something a bit more “manly” or whatever.”

“So you’re gonna dye it black or something?” Tyler asked.

Josh laughed. “Nope. I’m going pink.”

Tyler laughed as well.

When the day ended and yet more videogames had been beaten by the unconquerable duo, Tyler and Josh parted ways, which was really just Tyler leaving Josh’s room to head back to his own so he would have a comfortable place to sleep.

“Oh, and Josh,” Tyler called out when he was halfway through the door.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Josh cocked his head to the side. “What for?”

“For,” Tyler started. “Just for everything. Thanks.”

Josh smiled. He knew what Tyler was thanking him for. For leaving the party. For letting him cry. For being there for him. Fore listening. For buying the bandages. For everything. He knew what Tyler was trying to say, but he didn’t want to let it on that he knew. Josh knew that Tyler didn’t need someone else to be a constant vocal reminder of his problems; Tyler did that enough himself. Tyler needed someone who would help from a distance. Someone who would keep an eye on him. Someone who would be there for him. Josh knew that. It’s exactly what he had needed all those years ago himself.

“No problem,” Josh said.

Back in his room Tyler changed into his pajamas and climbed back into his bed. He took the bottle of pills off of his shelf and took two, placing it back on the empty space where the two tiny penguins had been.  The second had joined the first; smashed and broken in a fit of rage, but the second had another color joining the conventional black and white of a penguin’s coat. A color that reminded many of anger and roses. A color that flows through veins.

That night, unlike the two nights prior, Tyler didn’t dream. The nightmares and shadows and friendly faces crying did not dance around in his mind as he slept. Instead he saw the comforting empty abyss that had escaped his dreams throughout his childhood. He saw the wonderfully complex nothingness that he had craved for so long to see when he closed his eyes.

Maybe it was because for once he knew that someone cared, and cared enough to make sure that he was safe even when he was destroying himself, and that someone understood and listened to him and would always be there for him, but that night Tyler went to sleep wanting to wake up the next morning.